School time seems to be like forever . Went to hall for a talk by my school princapal about our level , subjects standards . My whole class was late , on the way to hall , I met one of my chinese dance senior , Sok Ee . Stayed for a while and discessed with her about chinese dance . As I and Sok Ee are leaders of Chinese dance , we are planning to have practices during June holiday , as our instructer had gone back to her hometown in China . It's a real headache ! As I had stayed and chatted , I was later then my classmtes ! I went to the usual place where my class usually sat . To my horror , my class was not there ! They were at another side of the hall . The place which I had sat was for Seconday Three Normal instead of Secondary Three Express ! My english teacher saw me and told me where my class was , and instructed me to wait for the time being before being re-united with my class . Friends and Teachers gave me curious stares which made me feel so embrasses ! Finally , school ended and it's time for met-the-parent ...( back to the topic of today ) Dad went to met Mr Goh . Well , got to thank Mr Goh for " taking care " of his words . He beated around the bush so that Dad would not really understands what he's trying to say , so that I would not get beaten . Mr goh asked things like .... " Mu Jie got eat at home ? " Well .... Mr Goh noticed that I hardly eat in School during Recess ! Thank God !~ Ha Ha ! Sigh .... really , I had done badly in my Mid - year - examations . But who cares ! I know myself ! My results are like stock market ... Up and down , up and down . You do not know when my results will go up , no ideal when I will perform below average . Ha Ha . Well , I had over - reacted . Mr Goh never say thing which will result me being cane . Ha Ha . But , nevertheless , mum not happy with my makrs , as usual ! But luckly ..... MUM NEVER CANE ME !!!!!!!!!!!

I had found ...... I had found , friends who truly care , I had found , friends who are truly concerned about me . But I would still remain silent and be an oberver By : MJ . 2004 .

He would ....... He would bring me inside the masterbed room . He would hug me , not letting go forever . He would kiss me all over my face tenderly . He would undress me slowly and steadily . That's what Dad would do when the young me needs a bath ! By : MJ . 2004 .

I just know it ! My parents got to met Mr Goh ! I just know it ! I had being feeling very down today . Finally ...... School ended . I decided to go to the nearby hawker centre with Ai Hui ( my classmate ans best friend ) to settle out lunch . We were about to go out of the school compound when I complained to her about met - the - parent . And she dragged me to met Mr Goh ! Mr Goh came out of the staff room , asking Ai Hui what happened . I was about to run agay ! Ai Hui explained my situation to him ... Well , as Ai Hui is not me , she dose not know what had happened . So I was forced to talk to him about what took place ! Talked , explained , chatted ... and finally cried ! Tears , like pears from a broken pear necklace , sparking in the sunlight , ran down my rosy and red cheek . The once laughing MJ becames a crying , hopeless girl of 15 . " Do you trust me ? " My teacher asked . " Huh ? " I exclamied " Do you trust me or not ? " He asked again " Um .... Yar " I replied half - heartly . How could I trust another teacher again when my secondary one and two teacher ( different teacher ) had let me down my telling my parents things which lead to caneing ? Finally , aftter the bbbbbiiiggg scence , I went to eat with Ai Hui .

Or ..... I am an angel from heaven . Treasure me or lose me , win me or kill me , love me or hate me , kiss me or slap me , praise me or insult me , stand for me or backstab me , be with me or now leave me , hug and kiss me . You choose . You pick . You decided . Choose . Pick . Decided . By : MJ . 2004 .

Went for servise as usual . I was late , cause I got beaten by my mother again . Well , I not sure what had taken place , nevertheless , I remembered clearly something which took place - mother slapped me again .... I am looking forward to this day because today's programme is not going to be the same . I am going to watch movie - Shrek 2 with my cell group members ! If you had read my another diary post - Cell group , you would know that my brother is not coming with us . Even though I know that , I still messaged my brother when I am eating at Jurong Point with my cell group members . Still the same reply - cannot . Well , my dinner was being paid by one of my brother . Ha Ha . Lucky me . Well , I did not have enough money anyway . After eating my free dinner , we went for movie . Shrek 2 was very funny - especially the puss in boots ! Oh , my coke ( which I shared with James as we sat beside other ) was being paid by the guy who treated me dinner ! Arn't I lucky ? Went home at 7 , 8 plus . When I reached home , Alvin ( from my cell group ) messaged me , the first time . I was shocked , but I ended up chatting with Alvin for some time via messages .

When night falls ..... When night falls , in my sleep , in wonderland , in my room , on my bed ..... I would reveal myself , slowly but surly , my reflection , the real me , the true me ...... Which had been living in darkeness , due to the past , since anicent times . By : MJ . 2004 .

I went to school today ( as usual ) , it was just the same as the last few days - more bad results . Anyway, it was not the hightlightof the day ! At about 5.45pm , I left home and went for cell . As my cell group is at Ang Mo Kio ( so far away ) I had to take the train . I live near to Lakeside , so , but of couse , I went to the Lakeside station to board the train . Never in my life would I go to the Lakeside station if I knows that I would bump into my form teacher . I live near the school , and he had just knock off .... He called out to me " MJ , where are you going ? " I just reply I am going out . He was about to go off when I call out to him and asked him if a person who had only managed to pass 3 subjects need to met the parents . No need to ask I also know the answer to my question . Which is a yes . I was shaking all the while ..... I reached Ang Mo Kio station , and was walking . To the place where I had arranged to met up with 2 of my cell group members . I hardly go cell group , therefore , I am not familar with the surroundings and could get lost . As I turned around , I was shocked that I met him . James said a "hi" to me and I greeted him back too . He invited me to cell with him . Well , 0kay ! I accecped the invition . But on our way , we met the two cell group members whom I am supposed to met , instead James. On our way to cell goup , James asked me if my brother is joining them for movie on Sunday . I answered no , and he seems angry , or had I over reacted ? Sigh . He should understands that it is not my fault ! I also wishes that my brother could join me ( so that I wolud not feel leftout ) And also , my brother is in junior collage , whth CCA like - photographic and cheerleading . He got to have practices , which usually are on weekends . Sigh . I really wish that he could go to the movie too . But he's busy , what do he expect ? Well , cell group .... We played games first . I was picked to be the " leader " ! ANyway , my group lost in the end , and my group had to do whatever the another team asked us to do . Maded a fool out of myself by doing the " dancing with monkeys " , " the penguins walking " not forgetting the " banana dance " . After cell group , my cell members were celebrating Jamses and Hui Er birthdays . I was forced to go back home at once as it would be quite late when I reached home . Had arranged with my brother to met him at the home bus stop .... When home and messaged to somebody . Only had a few messages .... But , I am still happy messaging to him .

Why do I cry ...... Why do I cry ? Why do I cry alone ? Why do I cry alone at night ? Why do I cry alone at night on bed ? Why do I cry alone at night on bed for someone ? Why do I cry alone at night on bed for someone who I had never said hello ? Why do I cry alone at night on bed for someone who I had never said hello but had to say bye ? By : MJ . 2004 .

Why no one tells me to ? Drop A maths , Practice more TYS , Take comb - science . Read more books . Why no one tells me to ..... Drop my education , Practise my acting skills , Take the stage as my life , Read scripts ? By : MJ . 2004 .

Why must I go to sleep ? Why must I go to sleep ? When I am so energetic , so happy and carefree , and finally finished all my works .... Why must I go to sleep ? When I finally get a heart to heart chat with him , maybe a chat in a lifetime ..... Why must I go to sleep ? When all my friends , are all online , chatting , gaming and enjoying ....... Why must I go to sleep ? When my dear Brother , to whom I let to use the one and only computer , is still online and gaming , chatting and enjoying ? By : MJ . 2004 .

Tears Every time when I want to close my eyes , To sleep , To be cut off from this wolrd . You would always appeared in my mind , Thoese magical moments which we shared , Which are so dear to me , Could no longer be found . Tears would formed in my eyes . Tears , Which are like pearls , Sparked in the light , Like from a broken pearl nacklace , Rolled down my cheecks , And soaked my pillow . Refraction of you would form , Thoses special moments which we had together would form , In my tears , In my mind , Everywhere . By : MJ . 2004 .

Blog ...... I would write , poems written by me - one and only , poems which I wote , in an urge to express myself . Light or dark , hot or cold , I would sit infront of this com , on the big black chair . Peeling myself , layer by layer, Posting my life , day by day , night by night . I only ask something little , from my faithful readers of mine , to understand me , and to look from my point of view . By : MJ . 2004 .

It was a day ....... It was a day , where it looked like yesterday . It was a day , where I was wrong . It was day , where everything gone wrong . It was a day , where there was tears in my eyes . It was a day , where it left a cut on my heart . It was a day , where I became anit - social . It was a day , where I became a totaly changed person . It was a day , where it was filled with darkness . It was a day , where there was evil in the air . It was a day , where there were devils around on earth . By : MJ . 2004 .

XXX - ing ...... Crying ....... Crying out my lungs . Shouting ...... Shouting out my fears . Screaming ...... Screaming out at the sea . Sobbing ..... Sobbing out my fears . Running ..... Running out of strength . Rushing ...... Rushing out of time . Laughting ...... Laughting out the silliness . Jumping ...... Jumping out of the window . Hanging ... Hanging out by the seaside . Watching ...... Watching out for devils . By : MJ . 2004 .

Morning .......... Fine sunny morning , the birds are chripping , Pupils are talking , some are sleeping ! No more shopping , computer games stopped playing , No more late sleeping , Cause it's time for schooling ! Students's eyes are shutting , lessons are really bornig , But got to get going , It's a morning morning ! By : MJ . 2001 .

Friends ....... Friends .... Some are your friends , never planned , to lend a hand . Friends .... mails sended , whenever they can , as you will always be a friend . Frinds .... to lose them , never planned , is like living on no man land . By : MJ . 2003 .

I had sat for English paper 1 , Literature , Chinese paper 1 and 2 . Tommorrow is E Math paper 1 . Sigh . Math ... My day started at 7.00am in the morning . I stayed at home until 12.00pm , then I go to City Harvest Church . After servise , I went to the nearby hawker center with Li Hui and Jollie , if my memory serves me correct . I had only stayed awhile , then Kai Xin asked Bod to send me to the bus stop as I still have exams . I was in the hot and crowded hawker centre yet I am still wearing a jacket made of jeans . I do not want to take it off , for fear that ..... It ( Kai Xin asked me to go home early ) did not affect me much as I also do not want to stay long too ... for fear that ....... On my way home , I met my brother . He was on his way to Jurong East ,with mother . As father was working , therefore I am alone at home . At night , I could not sleep . I was scard . I am never a math nor science student . I messaged to someone , and the person comforted me to sleep ...