So , in the blink of an eye . School had started for three day for term three . And I still had not handed in my report book to Mr Goh . Genius - me ! It was raining in the moring , therefore , we were to gether in our classroom . And the from teacher took over . Early in the moring got bad news - Mr Goh wants to see me after school due to my late sumbition of my report book . No comments ! Before recess , I had physics . Teacher was talking in French again . French as in - I do not understand what he ( Mr Khor ) was talking about . Fine with me . Since when had I ever pass Physcis ? Soon , it was recess . Saw Lydia came our from the lab with tears in her eyes . She had been crying because she told her class the wrong things . The Physics homework was supposed to be done on the foolscape instead of on the Ten Yeas Serices . I comforted her , went to her classroom with her . But we were soon chased down to the folyer . I handed around in the folyer with Lydia , when Mr Goh asked me if I want to see him now . It was fine with me . Instead , it was excellent as I have CCA duties . Mr Goh asked me what difficulties I am facing . To tell the truth - NONE ! Just that it would add fuel to to Mum's fire . I was fourced to dail my Daddy's handphone number in the teacher's office . Lucky me ! I was actually ALLOWED to choice who I want to call . Of couse it's Dad ! I am not that crazy to let Mr Goh to talk to my Mother ! Everything went fine after that . Expect that when I went to the teacher's office to return the Chinese Dance radio , I bummped into Mr Goh again ! How unlucky can my day be ? And he can even ask he " Still in school ? " Do you think I would still go back home after him calling my parents ???? I even went to buy the " Sabrina , The Teenage Which " after my Chinese Dance practice while walking back home with my seniors and juniors !

Vivien called again !!!!! Argh ! I hate phones ! I hate phone calls !!!! She called ...... and this time round .... I got no escape ! Unlike the another time ...... refer to the post on 27/6/2004 . Argh ! I went into my room with the phone ..... and lied on my bed .... I was forced to talk to her .... She asked me things like ...... Why do I have to join Buddish ..... when I am a Christan ...... She wanted me to make a frim choice ...... I want to be a Buddish or a Christan ...... She don't understand !!! No ! She don't ! Unlike James .... he understood that I was forced into the religion ! He encounaged me to admit my wrongdoings ....... James said that he would not tell Vivien .... he said he wanted me to be strong and responsible for my own actions ........ But yet ... I heard from Vivien during the phone call that she actually heard all about these from James first .... James lied ?? Or maybe James telling Vivien on my behalf is a way of lessening my load ? I do not know ..... I guess ....... I guess ........ I cried again after I haung up the phone ....... I pounder ...... Is it all because I cannot open up to my Cell Group leader ?? Is it because ..... James betrayed me by telling Vivien ? Or ......... Or what ? I cannot find another reason for the tears forming in my eyes ......

She called ! Vivien called ! Yes ! She called ! Yes ! Vivien called ! No ! No way ! I went back to the same temple where I was tested for the Xiao Juan Yuan .... ( refer to the post on 19/6/2004 ) and I was given a chance to go to Tawian to perform ... to visit the temples there . Nevertheless ...... I regected the offer .... the number of people allowed was litmited ... In the afternoon .... I received a call ..... A very bad phone call !!!! It was from Vivien ....... She called to ask me about ...... RELIGION !!!!! She asked me things like ... What happened .... How come ........ I do not know ...... But I guess the phone call was a very short one ...... because it was a Sunday .... and she got service .... Thank God ? Praise God ? I don't know ...... I am very confuse ....... I felt stupid ! Why do I tell James all these ? Oh my ...... God ? I am crazy ! A pation from the Woodbridge Mental Hospital is on the lose !

I went to church on Saturday instead of Sunday because on Sunday there would be a photo taking fro all thoese " Xian Juan Yuan " . Reached the church at 4.20 pm or so . Called James and he told me to meet him at level 4 . Went there and saw Vanassa instead . We went to look for James . After that , Me , James , Bob , Alvin's sister , Vanassa and Mason went to the basement for servise . We went back to level 4 again . But James and Alvin's sister got to go . Bob and Mason ate , while Vanassa and I sat there and talked . Mason got to go for some couses , so left me , Vanassa and Bob . Vanassa and Bob would still be going on Sunday , but when they question me , I do not know how to reply them . Where is James ??? He knew the answer .... Went online at night and he advised me to tell Viven , our cell group leader . James and I were not in the same cell any more , but our cell group leader is still the same . What should I do ?? Tell Vivien ? I had been playing with fire for such a long time that I forgetten how the fire started .....

Went out for lunch as usual . But instead of going to the nearby hawker centre , my lunch was very different from other usual days ! My dear Brother got to go and reprint some photos at a Kodak shop . The nearest Kodak shop was at block 500 +++ . I live at 400 +++ , so got to travel ! Anyway , it's worth the travel ! Because I am gong with my Brother ! YEAH !! Went to the shop before going for lunch .... My lunch was excellent ! I ate a chocolate waffle and a chicken wing ! My lunch was very nice ! I shopped with my Brother at the night market and there were a few Blackstreet boys CD sold there ! I wishes to buy it ! But well .... No money ! Anyway , went home and slacked around , came online again . At night , I finally told someone in my cell group about me being in both Christian and Buddish . I told James ... As he was the only closest person to me ... But what a disappointment ! I would rather keep the screct deep in my heart then telling the one whom I thought I could trust ! I would rather lead my life the same as before instead of letting him change my life forever ! Vision becoming blurrier due to my crystal clear tears forming at the end of my used - to - be - sparking eyes , therefore , sadly , I got to say goodbye now to this cruel world of which I am now living in .

I spent my whole morning at home , slacking again , as usual . In the evening , I was doing my Geography homework when my mother asked me to go downstairs to cycle . It's fine with me . But if I am to go downstairs alone to cycle , mummy would not let me cycle long distance , if I cycle with my Brother , I could cycle till the Yuhua Secondary School , Fuhua Secondary School , to the KFC , then the long distance of Jurong Connection Park . I just love to cycle ! It lifted up my mood . I was feeling moody there days as holidays are almost already . The whole month of June ended just like that . Worst thing is that I still got tons of holiday homework to do ! But go cycling with my Brother was like living in heaven ! As the winds had contact with my bare skin , leaving my skin a pleasant cool feeling , the feeling which I longed for since last year ..... Overall , the cycle trip was exciting . You do not know what obstacle would be waiting for you down the road . There might be people - old grandmothers , old grandfather , fathers , mothers , young adult , couples , teenagers , children , kids .... All there might be road which you had to cross - there may be no vehicles , or there might be cars , lorry ... Etc . Some of there road are bummy . But if you really know how to cycle , it should not post a danger to you ! Really very delighted . Finally my wish was granted ! YAHOO !

I cannot wait for Chinese Dance practice to end ! Well , we only do some warm up exercise and then we play " Wako " . Very Very fun ! But , well , all good thing got to come to an end . I went to change ( you do not expcet me to wear the blue leapord to go to City Hall and met James , do you ? ) in my classroom and then went outside to the 335 bus- stop to wait for Brother . He was late and we ended up WALKING to the Lakeside MRT ! I never practice my warm up exercise and I do them twice in a row , my leg's giving way ! reached City Hall and found out that James was later then us ! It's already 2.10 pm when we reached , and he still can message me that he will be 5 minutes late ??? Anyway , we went to eat at Burger King . Brother had already asked me what I want to eat while waiting for James , then at the burger King , James asked me ! Ate a burger . Does not really know what it contain , chicken - yes . Puls curry ! It was so spicy ! I actually want to exchange my burger with Brother , but he order the same as mine ! So , I got to force mysele to eat that burger . Not that bad after all ! Brother and James was busying chatting together . I though " Alright ! I keep my mouth shut . So , I was very quite throughout lunch . Brother and James were busy taling about cheerleading and phots . I had nothing much to say also . Went to Chijms with them . Brother want to take photos , while James and I tag along ? When outside the Chijms , near the road , James asked me why my bag so big . Well , I had brougth along a Geography Textbook , Harry Potter book and clothes , what he expect ? He wants to have a look at my Geograhpy Textbook and he told me a chapter was very boring . Oh my ! I had not learn that chapter and now he is telling me that the chapter is boring ? How am I going to score in Geography ? My Brother score an A1 in that chapter ! Then he also want to read the Harry Potter book - Book 5 . I will lend it to him when I read finish the book . Soon , James told me about cars . Funny him ! Well , I do not know that he will be getting his lience ! Never known that he learn driving . So cool ! When I grow up , I also want to drive . But never thought what cars I am driving . Maybe , when I am as old as him , I will then start thinking about thoese things . James suggested we go other place . But Brother wants to contuine taking photos ! So , I was in between them . I ended up going with James . I have nothing to do when I am with Brother . James and I went to a second hand bookstore , then to a Christen Bookstore . A book caught my eyes in the Christen bookstore and I show it to James . A book title - Eli . It is interesting , but it is not cheap ! $ 20 . 90 !! Wasted ! Really wish to read the book .... On the way back , James gave me a shock ! James : " So , did ******* contect you or you does not want him to contect you ? " MJ : " Both ... " He was asking me and was using his " sign language " file tap on my shoulder softly . I was shocked ! We were walking for about 5 minutes without talking and he suddenly ask me that question , when he knows the answers ! When we found Brother , James and I carry on tagging with him . James seems to be very bored and he keep on looking at his handphone - looking at the time , I believe ? James was in a rush to go to the libary , then he will be going to Church . We left the place at 6 pm plus . And James went to the libary while Brother and I took the train . Brother and I went to Jurong East to ask about our computer , or something . On the way there , Brother brought me a Chocolate Ice Cream ! While Brother ate Durian . The ice cream was yummy and I had not eaten an ice cream for a long time . After that , I went home with Brother .

I was late for Physics lessons . Well , same as yesterday . But thank God that I was late for only about 10 to 15 minutes ? Had to so some experiment . Sigh . Basically , Hui Min and I does not know what we are suppose to do . I believe that none of my classmates know what Mr Kohr was talking about also . I was proven correct when Mr Kohr told the class that only two group had done the experiment correctly . Surprising , my group was one of the group whoese experiment was correct . All thanks to Hui Min ! Another group ws Ai Hui's group . After Physiccs lessons , there was a half an hour break for me before I go and report for my chinese dance practice . Our instuctor went back to China for the whole month of June . Therefore , all the Chinese Dance leader ( include me !!! ) decided to have some practice on our own , if not , later our instructor nag and nag at us again . I got nothing to do . Thought of going to the 7 - eleven to eat cup noodle again . But I ended up in the 0404 classroom ( dance room ) . I hand around and soon , a few of the members arrived . At about 12 pm , we started practicing . Haiz . Got to say , it went well . Expect that being one of the leader of Chinese Dance , I got to shout the beat . Our instructor was away , so we does not have any music . I tried but in vain to ask other members of Chinese Dance to shout that beat also . None of the members shouted , expect all the Chinese Dance leader - Me , Lydia and Sok Ee . What true friends they are ! If not for them , I would not have any voice left after practice ! Found out that my leg was very pain after the practice ... because I had not been practicing ! Well , none of us had been practicing , not even the leaders ! Went to eat with Lydia and Brother . But Lydia never eat , she only played with my handphone . Then went to Jurong East to watch Harry Potter . The movie will only be shown at 4 pm . So , while waiting , I went to eat with Lydia . Later , we went to the Arise to shop . i need to buy stocking ! My Chinese Dance stocking had been spoilt since May . All because I was too violent ! After that , we went to the " Fashion " shop . Finally , the Harry Potter show started ! Overall , it was quitew nice Well , no comments about the show , expect that some part of the show was quite scary and some of the actor were not that handsom / beautiful .

" Ring .... Ring ..... Ring ...... " My handphone alarm ran off at exactly 7 am in the morning . I have english lesson today at 8 am . Argh ? What is this ? I want to sleep .... !!!! So , as usual , I went back to sleep ...... ZZZZZZZZ Woke up at 7.30 am . " Still early ..... " I thought , still half asleep . But I DID wake up and so and have a drink . When I went inside the Master bedroom to change and do the usual stuff ...... I found myself fell asleep on the bed ! I woke up again and have a look at the clock . 8.20 am ??? HUH ? I must still be dreaming ! I have a closer look at the clock ...... My fear had been comformed ! I am late for my english lessons ! I should have waked up at 7 am when my handphone alarm ran off ! Rushed to school .... I do not know where my class was . I could not find them ! Such a bad day ! I messaged to Ai Hui . TWICE ! 10 cents ! And she never reply ! If she did reply , at least I will not be that angry ! 10 cents . I could message him twice ! Anyway , I now also never message him . Trying to forget him ........ BUT I CAN'T !!!!!! Went to my school old block , new block ........ still cannot find my class ! It's almost 9 am by the time I found my class at the libary . My english gave my the worksheet . And carried on her lessons . After the lessons , I asked my english about the holiday homework . See , I am so stupid . Such a simple english reading holiday assigment and yet I had problems finishing it ! After asing my english teacher ( She was REAKLLY helpful ! ) I went with Ai Hui . She wanted to go to the 7 - eleven to eat . I wanted to go to the newly opened shop in my neighbourhood - CK deparment store . I went with Ai Hui to the 7 - eleven store and ate a cup of Nobody Cup Noodle . After that , Ai Hui went with me to the CK department store . Overall , my day was alright ...... * So long for now , my friends . Note . Thoese posts which Imran claimed that he does not understand what I am talking about , I had edit it , as I said I would . Look out for the next two days posts ! And note : I updated my blog a few days posts at once . So , please , if you want , so to the achives " June 2004 " and at there , you can have a look at the new posts . *

I was getting ready to go to Church when Ai Hui contect me . She called my handphone , but I missed her call . She reached me through my home phone . And guess what ? I passed my " Xiao Juan Yuan ! " Surprised ! I passed ! And pigs can fly now ! I do not believe my ears ! And that I got to go back to the temple and receive my prize or something . And was told to go back on Sunday . And that means that I would be missing my servise ...... Went to Church , as usual . After that , went for Chinese tuition . It was really ...... I was expecting a message all the time , during Chinese tuition .... From my Brother ... The teacher forced Yuxuan and I to read countless times of the passage in the Secondary Three Express Chinese Textbook 3B . Read until my mouth very dry . And also , until I we both are famished . I was thinking about waffle all the while . Really hungry ! Tuition ended on the sport and I went ( or ran ? ) to the night market alone . But before going to the night market , I went to the barkey shop , which was within walking distance of the night market , and brought a bread instead of waffle as the waffle sold at the barkey shop were cold and it doese not have my favourite favour - Chocolate ! After that , shopped around at the night market . Ended up buying a hot dog ! Went home , ate dinner , do some holiday homework ( holidays ending soon and yet I still have tons to do ! And it DOES seems like I am thoese knid of student who will do my holiday homework . ) Then came online . James was online and I " chatted " with him . Planned to met him and my brother tommorow . But he got things on ! And worst still ! I messaged him twice , but he did not reply ( doese not know whta happened to his handphone ) . And so I called him . He was bathing ? Left a message with his sister ( she was the one who picked up the phone ) The message I left was " Ask James to call me when he is free " . He was so unreachable ! And guess what ? His sister forget all about my message ! And she only remember about my message ONLY when she saw James chatting with me ! I was so angry ! So so angry ! Lucky I was online , if not , tommorow , my brother and I would be making a wasted trip ! So angry ! So angry ! ~ Bull saw red ! ~ Ha Ha . Anyway , I can look at something bright ! On tusday , there will be chinese dance ! Yeah ! Praise God ! I neve pracise during trhe whold holiday .... Opps !

I am very scard ! I would be going for a " Xiao Juan Yuan " test . Which is - You memorise three long buddhist rules after that , you got to read it out to the judge , or you can also call them the buddhist leader. The best thing is that ..... if you are good enough , you would be going to Tawan . None of my family members were being helpful . And I could not message to him for help , that's the worst thing ! Oh my ! I am so scard as I am not really sure of the three buddhist rules ! Brother was away for his cheerleading camp . I messaged him . But he never reply . How come all guys do not reply to messages ? Mother made a mess out of it . She dolled me up ! Put make up , tied my hair with a big white ribbon ! While I was getting ready for the " Big Day " , I was messaging to Ai Hui also ( was told to meet her , her mother and her brother at the bus stop . ) She messaged something like " But you should have come down already ! " So , I took it as - she reached the bus stop with her family members long time ago . Anyway , the time was not up yet ! Nevertheless , I went with my mother to the bus stop . Found out that Ai Hui had not reached ! What is this ? Said until she reached for a long time , and end up I got to wait for her ? I would rather go there myslef ( after another event which really disppoint me ! ) A bus would be driving Ai Hui , her brother , her mum , me and other people who lived in Jurong to the temple where we would be tested on the three buddhist rules . Some of them , like Ai Hui's brother and her mum took the " Da Juan Yuan . " Where they got to memorise two or three MORE buddhist rules , other then my three buddhist rules . Which I would surly ended up having a BIG headache ! Anyway , Ai Hui ( when I called her before we met at the bus stop ) said until so nice ..... " Okay , I would sit with you on the bus . Of couse ! " But instead , she sat with her other friends ! She knew that I never go to the temple before ( it's my first time going ) and I hardly know the other people there ( of couse . It's my first time going !! ) And worst ! She promised to sit with me ! And she said it so nicely ! What is this ?! Ai Hui cannot be trusted . It is the countless times which she did that - broke her promise ! I did tried to understand her , put myself in her shoes , but , I would not do what she done ! Never ! Anyway , who needs her ! The girl who could not keep her promise ? Reached the temlpe after about an hour or so of bus ride . Wow ! The temple is very huge ! There were some ursher outside the temple . And guess what ? I saw my own buddhist leader . And also , my tution teacher ! So surpirsed ! They wished me luck , which I really need it ! And they both joked around with me for a few minutes . We lined up at the front gate , and there were a small " tent " underneath the " tent " , there were three booths , with about two people behind each booth . With my enerty slip on my hands . I lined up behind Ai Hui . When it was my turn , the people behind the booth stappled the result slip with our enerty slip . I had a look at the result slip . The paper were divided up into two portion . The upper portion was for thoese people taking the " Da Juan Yuan " . Lower potion was for thoese people taking the " Xiao Juan Yuan " ( me ! ). Under the " Xiao Juan Yuan " portion , it was again divided in to three sub titile -thoese three buddhist rules which I got to memorise . While under the " Da Juan Yuan " there were SIX sub titles . There were a few boxes " Excellent " , " Hint 1 " , " Hint 2 " , " Hint 3 " , " Just passed " " Failed ! " under the sub titles . It was the same for every sub title , for the " Da Juan Yuan " and the " Xiao Juan Yuan " . So , overall , the top and lower portion of the result slip were just like photocopies ..... Anyway , we sat outside the temple and was briefed . Like , if we are going to take " Da Juan Yuna " instead of the " Xiao Juan Yuan " or vise verse , we got to tell the buddhist leaders before the buddhist leaders test us . After that , we were told to go into the temple . Once I step inside .... I went blur . Thoughts ran in my head ..... " How come so many people are wearing black business suit , even women are wearing it ? " And thw worst were that they were looking at the people whom had just came . Plus , there are a chair right infront each and everyone of them . I soon relised that they were the the buddhist leader ! Which explains everything . Being the the buddhist leader , they got to dress smartly . And since they were the the buddhist leader ( the judge ) , they would test each and everyone alone . That is why there was a chair in front , for us to sit . Anyway , the whole durtion of the test was really ... bad ! Out of the three buddhist rules , the buddhist leader gave me the hardest one first . Should ask me the easiest one first ! So that I am able to clam down ! I was so nervous that I hardly remember what took place ! And since I was already shaking so hard when I recite the first ( and the hardest )buddhist rule which the buddhist leader tested , how am I going to score well for the second and third buddhist rule ? My whole mind had gone haywire since the starting of the test , and I ended up flunking my second and third buddhist rules ! I remembered me shaking , hand sweating ( my hand does not easily sweat ! ) saying thing like " Um ... " , " HUH ?! " ( Which shows that I am not familiar with the rules . And of couse , I was so scard that I could not think properly ! ) Finally , after flunking my buddhist rule test , I was allowed to go ! I ran off in the speed of lighting . And went for lunch ...... On the way home , Melody contected me . So please , so glad , so happy , so delighted ! Anyway , Ai Hui asat with her friend again . And when her friend does not want to sit with her , Ai Hui then ask me if I want to sit with her or not . FAT HOPE !!!!!! Went home and slept like a pig , slept from 3 pm plus till 6 pm , 7 pm !

[mel]*: Heys Jie . Very sorry to hear such a saddening past of yours . But do not worry , everything will be fine . Trust me! I'll be your friend forever . Just wanna tell you not to mind or listen to what others say , it is not important . What is important is that you must believe and have faith in yourself ! Somehow when you are pure in heart and mind, you'll feel happier . I will be your friend and sister forever! Friends forever ! ~M+J=MJ~: Melody Mei . Told you that thoese girls are not good before . Of couse everything will me fine , for God will be with me . I will be your fined and Sister forever too . I still remember that time . You messaged me . I told you to call my handphone at night as I will be going for payer meeting . You called my handpone when I was on my home after payer meeting . You told me that you really wishes to have an elder sister as you were bored . Any if you have an elder sister , your sister could help you with you school works . Do not worry , I will help . " Ask and you would be given . " " What is important is that you must believe and have faith in yourself ! " If my memory served me corrected , I am the one who told you that sentence ! I really glad that you still remember it , and you even told me yourself ! Surprised ! I know how to tell people , and yet I do not know how to do it ! Believe me you can go to Pure Science class next yrear ! Just like me ! I promised to be your friend AND sister forever ! I will be there when you need me ! Take good care of yourself . And shine God's goly ! Bear King: Sad is yet another human emotion ; tears are nothing but water from your eyes ; memories fill the void spaces in our minds ; move on and make the unhappiness look insignificant . ~M+J=MJ~: Sad is yet another human emotion , other then seeing your hand outstreached infront of you to prevent you from falling . Tears are waters , just that it does not come from the heaven , the sky , the lake , the tap , instead , it came form our eyes . Our mind are too empty , that is the reason why there are things know as " memories " found in our mind . Carry on with life and do not bother , do not think , do not care about the past . ~M+J=MJ~: Bear King , really thank you . You are just another great friend I known . But you are truly different from others ! I known you through my that " careless " " busier then Bush " Brother . It already made you special . And you could write such an azaming " poem " , such an inspirational phrase to cheer up my day ! Really thanks ! Very touched ! I shall listen Bear King's command from now onwards ! Take care !

I had once fallen down a flight of stairs when I was young , about Primary one that time . Fallen right outside of my house , right in front of my mother . And since then , I had clearly forgetten what took place before . If a fall like that could make me forget what happened , I really would like to fall again .... Really ! Well , if you happened to read this blog post , you are can count yourslf either lucky or unlucky . Why ? Becaues , this blog post is something about my past ... how come I am now so anit social . He wanted to know , but I did not tell him about it . Hopefully he manage to read this post . He is the one who made me remember clearly about this even . But I doubt that he woudl be reading this . Okay . Let's all go back to four years before , when I was still in Shuqun Primary School , instead of my current Yuhua Secondary School . I was in grade six that time . Still young . As I grew up very slow , in both physical and mental , I hardly know that there are classmates , whom I thought were my best friends , were talking behind my back . Back stab me . I hardly knows what happends back then . So , time pass in a blink of an eye ..... Secondary One . In Yuhua Secondary . I was still quite young . Know nothing about talking behind people back's . Pityful right ? Ha Ha . But not till one day ...... My class were broken down into two group for D&T lessons . I was in the same group as them . Our teacher was fine . Very friendly !! One day , during D&T lessons ( of couse ) , we were doing our own modle of pencil holder . I was at position A , they were at position B . Our D&T teacher was at position C . Out of the blue , they called out to me and ask me to travel from position A to position B , go to them , in other words . Okay . After some time , I went . Then , one of the girl asked me to go to another side . We walked passed position C , where our D&T teacher were . Suddenly , the girl gave me a hard push towards our D&T teacher ! A cry rose in my throat , as struggled against the lump clogging my throat , the cry finally die on my lips . Due to , human reaction , my hand was outstreched in front of me to prevent me from falling . It was human reaction , I repeat , human reaction ! And I fell onto my D&T teacher's body ?? I not quite sure . I do not wish to know ....... Instead of finding a safe place , my hand touched my D&T teacher's hip .... I could not help it ! I could not stop myself from falling , could I ? Nope ! Then , they , nothing better to do , clamied that I hugged the D&T teacher ..... Everytime I told this to my best friends , a prang of sadness stabbed me and soon sadness turned into tears which trickled unchecked down my cheeks My eyes would sprang a leak . From that day onwards , I began to know how to spell , I know all about back stabbing . I began to be anit social as I know what terrible , horrible and vegetable ( ha ha . Lame ! ) words people can say . And retreat is the only way and cause to open me . Every insult , remark or sarcastic word from them added fuel to my fire . Kindness becoming cruetly , stoicism lost in the need for revenge , timidity in courage . I remainded silent from that day onwards and became an oberver . There were no more " kindness for one another , love for each other " in my life anymore , expect , for my family members . From that day , the focus of everyday life is to avoid them . I regined to whatever is going to happened . I was lost in sadness from that faithful day .....

Came to my blog wedpage for almost everyday when I come online . And found out that no one , no friends had be coming in to read my blog . So sad !!! How sad can life be ?? Which is sadder ?? Came online at 7 , 8 am plus . Checked my e - mail accounts , went to hi5 and friender . I am just so board ! I had nothing to do . E - mails accounts , I came online everyday and checked them every time I am online , of couse there would be not much new mails ! Signed in at the Hi5 wedsite . Nothing new , same as yesterday , the day before , the day before before ..... Went into Friendster next and as usual , nothing to do . Suffed around at the wedsite and .... something unpleasent happened . Why can't the past just die ? At around 11 am , went down to eat with my Brother . Went home and came online again . Wonders why I still come online , wonders MORE why I bother / care to update my blog when no body is coming in to view my blog eneties ?? He told me to open up more with the group / gang of friends . I tried ! I tried by having a blog since i hardly spent time with them . He told me that there are people who really cared about me , just that I do not know .... the most simple way of caring is well , maybe , come into that blog and find out what's going on with this person's life , what the person is thinking , what problems the person is facing ... I suppose ? But does anyone care about my exitience ? I really doubt so , I got to rethink about carry on with this blog .... ?? Maybe I just forget everything about blogging ??

Woke up at 7 . 30 am or so . Hand around at home until about noon then left for City Harvest Church .... After servise , I went for my chinese tuition , make - up lessons as I had missed two lessons dun to exams .... My friend , Yuxuan and I were to do letter writting . Again ! This time , we were to write a letter to complain about thoses old folks who hand around in the void deck , coffee shop and do nothing . We were to ask the Community Center to plan some activices for the old folks . I should say , it's quite alright . Went home , ate dinner , do homework then watch television . I wanted to use the computer but Brother does not let me use ! I was very angry ! Brother was at home for the whold afternoon and yet , he wait until night then fight with me ! What happened to this guy ? It's quite acceptable for me , but when I was at home the whole day , I got to let my Brother use the computer at night , but why is it not vice versa ? Anyway , I cooled down when I found out that Brother was chatting with ... someone . And I was surprised when I found out that my Brother was meeting Him , when both of them were free ! Finally , at 11 pm plus , I was allowed to go online , and I chatted with him . He agreed to let me tag along with my brother when they both are metting each other ( My Brother does not really like me to tag along with him ... ) ! But in the middle of our chat , my computer hang . Well , not my fault ! The time when Brother hand over the computer , it's already lagging . And of all times , why dose it have to hand in the middle of my chat with him !? But the time I " repaired " the computer , he offline already ! He stayied online just to chat with my brother and me ??

Waked up at about 7 am . Mum woke me up and reminded me to go to school with dad . Fat hope ! Dad left home at 7 . 30 am , then , I start changing and thing like that . Went to school and was early . So , I asked Ai Hui some maths questions which we got to hand in today as holiday homework . Wonders why it is called holiday homework when we got to had in by the end of the two weeks of holiday . Went for Physics lesson , the same as yesterday . Well , I fell asleep again ! Finally , I was dismissed ! Called my brother and found out the he was home ! So glad ! I ran home ! Went down at about 11 am . Brother needs to go out again , and I got to buy some food as I am making dinner tonight ! I was angry with my Brother as he could not eat lunch with me .... Childish ! Wewnt home after buying a packet of chichen rice , potatoes , eggs and carrot . After being online awhile ( with no one to chat with ) , I went to sleep at about 1 pm ... woke up at 4 plus ! Now , I got to go and make some dinner . Hopefully it is ediable ! Feeling better before yesterday after some sleep ...... Anyway , no guys is worth my tears and if he really does , he would not make me cry ......

Went to school at 8 am for Phyics lessons today . Wished to sleep more ! It is a waste of my time as I found myself sleeping most of the time ! It's always like that .... After Physics lessons , I went to the Jurong East Macdonald to met Kai XIn for Bible Study . Today's Bible Study was about Fellowship ... Why , of all topics ? Why , of all times ? Intented to go to the Jurong East Libary again ( three times in a row ) but I did not ... went to eat at the KFC instead . The chicken was horrible ! Too oily and salty ... or is it too bitter ??? No ones know as I myself also got no idea !!!! After eating , I went to board the train to National Dental Centre . I was early and so , I want to sit at the bus stop and began reading my " Angle Of Mercy " ... Interesting book , if not , why I borrow ? Went to the National Dental Centre 's restroom first to brush my teeth . Surprised ! There was a girl who was about one or two years younger then me brushing her teeth there also !! Surprise , surprise ! I always thought that I am the wirdo who brough toothbrush and toothpaste to brush my teeth ! Had to wait for a very long time before my doctor came back from his lunch break ..... When the doctor was finally back , the girl whom I met in the loo just now went in first . Well , this explained a lot of things . The girl was scard of our doctor , who demand that our teeth must be sparking ! Went in after the girl and well , surpirse again ! The doctor said my teeth are clean ! But alas ! I had to put the " rubber band " again !!! Oh God !! Went home at about 3 pm ... mum had to work form 9 am to 7 pm today , special ... so , I went online and checked my friendster . Found a number of survay . And I had posted them in my this blog . Melody had messaged me . Felt so touched ! I had been felling low , and her messages brighten up my moddy day ! Well , even though she could not catch " Harry Potter " with me ... but , at least , I felt accepted , not forgetten , cared and concered ... I was doing all thoses savays and was typing all thoses affairs of the heart answers which I had answered " wish to be right beside him " , " wish to chat with him " ... you go and see thoses savays ! I could hardly remember my sujects and you expect me to remember all thoses savays questions ?! ( that's what I had said to him ) And he REALLY came online ( MSN Messanger ) ! Fated ??? I do not think so ... I thought , really hoped this time round , it would be a pleasent chat , which would leave one tiny winny pleasent memory in my mind ... but alas , the chat hurted me .. He forced me to ! I felt like shouting to him ... shout something ... anything , to make me feel better , happier ..... and maybe make him angry ? Nope .. I am too soft - hearted ..... Nowadays , memories of thoses magical moments which could no longer be found , kept on apearing on my mind ......... ~ Crying ~ Godsister ... where are you ?? I know that deep down in my heart , you would read finish this enerty , unlike him , whom never came here once .......... ~ Crying ~

Neither Brother nor I need to go back to school that day . Expect that Brother needs to go to National University of Singapore to stay overnight for two days . He is in the National Junior Collage Photographic Society and had to help the National University of Singapore to take some photos . I went online in the morning , and in the afternoon , I went with my Brother to eat at the new hawker centre near my school . We ordered Chicken Chop . The plate which the hawker served was extermly big ! I shared with my Brother . Save money .... Went home , and that's where chaos began ! Brother was going " camping " and yet his backpack was not even packed ! And who helped him ? Me ! Mum was out at work , and so was Dad ( like he could lend a helping hand ! ) I helped him , taught him how to flod his uniform . Reminded him to bring his toothpaste , toothbrush , hair gel , comb , towel , sweets , tibits , powder ... etc , etc . My house ended up in a mess ! One plastic bag there , one box of toothpast lying over here , papers flying all over .... etc , etc . Washed my hands off him and went to get ready to go to the Juroung East Libary . My Godsister had contected me while I was helping my Brother to paske his bag . She wants to go to the Libary and she asked me to tag along . So kind of her !!! Went to the Libary and ended up teaching her Science ... Found out that I had forgoten waht my teacher taught me last year .... We went walking around in the Libary for about one quater of our time spend in the Libary .... Wow ! My Godsister really clever ! She helped me do my maths homework ! Went home at about 6 pm ! Went online at 10 pm ... he was online . Found out something which some how ... made me feel disppointed in him . What I want is having some private and me having a low profile ..... And he should know that !

If you all had been coming into my blog , you would know that I had changed my blog , and it had been down for a few times . Now , I am updating my blog . Brother need to go out in the afternoon . At about 2 pm or 3pm . I had my Literature lesson from 11.30 am to 1 pm . Was late , as usual . But thank God that when I arrived , teacher was just starting her lesson . The Literature lessons was boring . Very boring . Teacher said something about PEE - ing in our answer ... And later , we had to re - do our Mid - Year - Exam - Literature paper . How boring can Literature be ?? Finally , Literature lesson finished . I want with my Brother to eat . We were not sure what to eat , where to eat ... Ended up eating in the new hawker shop near my School . We both ate Chicken Rice . Actually planned to met Lydia at the Jurong East libary , but her mother do not allwo her to go to that libary as she had been there few days ago . So , I , being curious , went to the libary alone . The Libary was huge ! It was very big ... The area of one story is already larger the thoses normal " shopping center libaries " . Imagine it being four story high ! Thoese books found in the first , secondary and third stories do not interest me ! Wonders what's the use of the libary being so big yet so little books caught my attention ? So , I handed around in the fourth story . Well , basically , I spent most of my time chatting on my handphone instad . My Godsister had an appointment that day . And she was scard . Well , being her Sister , I comforted her . Hope that it helps ... DO not really say much about her appointment ... let the past die . I ended up borrowing one book only . There was a number of books which caughted my atention , on the fouth story . But , alas ! I had already borrowed three books during my last visit .... Hopefully , the next time I go to the Jurong East Libary , I could borrow more books to read ... I am a bookworm . I rather read my story books then mixing with my pals ....

Simple card ..... Thought a simple care it is , but it carried more meaning then it should be . I just wish that your day is better then it should be , by writing a card as simple as it is . By : MJ . 2003 .

Brother and Sister ONLY ! He and I side by side , hand in hand . By the sea , late at night . He "would" say , "I Love you , don't leave me , or would you ?" I'll reply, "I hate you ! I'll leave you , FOREVER !" All those time , we messaged . Late at night , past bed time , together . Your comfort , jokes you've cracked . I found out , I'm in love . But truth is , you did these , it's all in , the name of , my Brother ! Tears ran down , like the tap , down my cheeks . I've found out , I'm too foolish , to think that , I like you . You are my elder Bro . You treat me , as your Sis . And that's all . Nothing else . There's no love , there's no like . There's only elder Bro , and one young , silly Sis ! By : MJ . 2004 .

Went to school at 9.00 am . My chineses lesson started at 9.30 am . So , I am quite early . So sian . All my classmates came late . Well , chinese lessons ... we re - do the Chinese Mid - Year - Exam Chinese Paper Two . Got to say , I will do better then the first time ! After doing the papaer two , teacher wants us to mark our March Holiday Homework . I never bring the paper , and the teacher gave me a new piece of paper . Copy , copy , copy ... finally copied finished all the answers . After Chinese lessons , is Social Studies lessons . Social Studies lessons are for thoses who had failed the Social Studies Mid - Year - Exam . Needless to say , I am one of them who had not passed . Peiling and Keli were also in the same Social Studies class as me . Sud - Science class' Social Studies teacher is the same as my Social Studies teacher . So , Sud - science class and my cless group together as one class . The Social Studies lessons are boring ! Very boring ! Finally , after hours ... I was dismissed . I went to the bus stop to wait for bus , when Keli and Peiling came to the same bus stop . They offered to accompay to Jurong Point ( I wanted to buy thing ) . I was surprised as we went to different class this year , yet they are still so friendly to me ... We were classmates when we were in Seconday One and Secondary We went to have lunch first , then go Popular to get things . After that , I went to City Harvest Church . Meet with Bob , Alvin , Diana , Grace etc .... After that , we went for the " Word Power " . It was quite fun , but it's too long and sometimes boring .... But , overall , it was fun . Went to eat with Grace and Diana ... the guys went to quee for the next servise , which is " Parade Of Schools " . Diana ordered " take away " for the guys , while Grace and I ate at the coffee shop . On our way back , Keli messaged me , asking if I want to go watch " Harry Potter " movie . Of couse I want ! After that , I called Bob to ask him where to meet him . On my way , I saw Mr Koh ! He was my Seconday One form teacher . He called me and started questing me . " Your mum know that you come to Church ? " He asked " Yes ... " I replied . " How often you come to Church ? " He asked me " Um ... every Sunday . " " Is that your mother ? ( he was refering to Grace ) " " HUH ? No . " I exclimed " How much is your L1R4 ? " He questioned " 30 ... " I muttered " What ? You know , you get more then 20 , you will go to ITE ? " " Yar ... " Does he need to reminded me ? " Okay ... " He said Went to meet up with Bob . The " Parade Of School " was excellent ! How I wishes to take part .... !