I woke up at 6 plus , 7 in the morning again . THe first thing I did ? Checked my Handphone ... nothing . I slept till 10.30am , well , at least I did not wake up at 9 plus like yesterday . Someone had messaged me . I leaped up ... it was my cousin , sent me some forwarding message ... I came online ... somehow , I read " Honey's " chat logs .. I still don't understand . We were alright when we were chatting , from the 5th till the 7th of this month ... As I type , I also don't hwat what I should name him . Him , my Honey , or my special one , my ex boyfriend ? I don't know how he is releated to me now ... I am so lost ... I almost cried when weading our past MSN conversation ... I cried , okay , I admit ... Then , it began to rain ... heavily . I opened up the windows , the wind was strong ... Somehow , I enjoyed the wind ... I always believe that when it rained , it was the angels from Heaven crying , crying for me ... Yup .. then I received another message ... Disppointment again . It was Sok Ee .. Ended up , she would be spending the Valentine Day all alone ... I got sadder ... I just like , " maybe we spent it together ? " I don't feel like going out and all ... I just feel like staying at home .. I felt as if , going out , travel from one place to another would burnt a hold in my pocket . I blog a little ... Yup ... Haiz , then Hock Seng asked me about what couse I plan to choose , Shawn's friend ( he/they , sign in using his account ) asked me about Yvette . I was like .. Yvette ?! Why her ?! HUH ?! I know , she's beautiful and all ... Shawn's friend even asked how Shawn came to know her , that means that Shawn had been telling his friend(s) about Yvette ... Fine , I am a nobody ... I went to my " Honey " Friendster and read his testimonial ... Went to his GF ( good friend ) testimonial too , and his GF's blog . I almost went crazy ... He had wished his GF good luck ( for the relase of O Level results ) . How about me then !? I never hear any well wishes from him ... not that I remembered ... I felt as if now ... I mean nothing to anyone anymore ... Like , nobody cares about me anymore ... I am all alone in this world ... Another message ... From Him ? No .. it was from Li Hui , asking , I would be going for Service after Cell Group . See , that was all they cared about ! Have they though about my feelings ?! When I accepted the job .. Do they knew that I actually thought , what would happen to Service . But if I rejected the job , Mum would give me Hell . Do they care about all those ?! I don't feel so , if they do ... THey are only interest in making sure that I won't miss the Service every week . Period . Okay . Forget it . I believe that this is one of the sad entry ... all thoes negetive thingys , one of thoes entry which people wold comment , " don't be so sad " , " you sounded so sad , you need someone to talk to " , " I would be there for you , you can come and look for me . " I don't know . Which entry was sadder , this , or thoes days when I was forced to drop subjects , the " judgement day " ... Maybe both are as sad , maybe I did not change at all ... Maybe I did when I was with him ... I believe that those entrys about him were the happy - cheerful - Mu Jie whom you see outside I mean , serious , I received those promises a lot of time ... thoese , I would always be there for you . But how many times did they break it ? And , what's the ues of them being there for me when they can't do anything much to chage the persent ? They don't even understand in the first place .. I mean , I myself don't even comprehend , would they understand better then me ?! Haiz . Fine , forget it . It's 1.27pm , and I had not eatten anything ... I am going to eat the Butter Cookies which Mum gave me for Breadfast , and then skip lunch . Yup ... Till then ...