All my love is for you and I will never let you go .

::Truth of me::
::The hidden me::
::Have I got my speech across::
::So you really want to know me::
::Since when did you comprehend me::
::Can you grasp my true emotions and mindset::
::Do you know about the dark truths I'm hiding::
::Confessions of EVERYTHING
on Saturday 31 May 2008 .
Title of my post : 10 pm .

It was until 10 pm , again . How I wish that someone could send me home ... It's half an hour faster ... And that means lying on the bed earlier ... So that you don't need to wait . I'm so tired . Tomorrow , too ...

Oh !!! Finally ... A short break . Everyone was at home . I got to rest , relax ... I want my holidays . But it was too precious for me to give up all of it .... I would rather sacrifice my break .... She came down with her Sister yesterday ... Yeah !!!

I am a very bad girl who skipped 1 hour of lecture .

Though that I would be late ... I was , but I was not . Anyway ... There was only 2 hours of lecture today . As usual ... I went down after School . It was fine ... Everything was fine ... I still feel very bad . Oh well ...

Tired . Went down ... Sleepy. Went down after School . Maucks . I love you .

I still feel bad . What should I do ? School . I'm tired . Sleepy ... I miss you . Maucks . When ? When ?? When ???

You betrayed me . How could you ... I thought you told me everything , already . There was still a " but " . The day dragged on . It felt weird . I don't belong here ... Anymore ? There's so many times when I wanted to give up ... But .. The lust . The wealth . I got to . Yeah ! I can do it !

Kill yourself !!! How could I ... The responsibility ... My duty . The playfulness in me . Yeah . It will cost me everything , sooner or later .

I should have knew .

Sometimes , it really surprise me .. The amount of trust and everything . Yet , I always perform way below the average , failure to perform what I'm expected to . I knew that it was all my fault . I'm not complainant enough . In charge . That word hunted me . What am I suppose to do ? Nightmare .

What was I suppose to do ?

Sometimes , I really envy those " juniors " of mine .

I guided them .

They had people to teach them .

I learnt everything all by myself .

Stress .

At least my journal was done .

Yeah !

Tomorrow ...

I'm scared ...

What excuse to give ?

There's none .

I'm at fault .

How I wish ... I miss you . I love money . What should i do ? The days dragged on . I though it was Monday , turned out Thursday .. that $60 day . Oh no ... I've sent it . Anyway ... stayed back , again . He never come ... no dinner . So sad . Dinner ... I should have ate with you instead of " enjoying " it all alone . However , met my old student . Had a nice chat with him ... It was so scary ! Thank you , cloud ! If not for you ... I would be so lost . Thanks , girl ... Yeah ... my marks . I don't even know what to do . Oh ... I miss you so . Saturday , Sunday ?!?!?! Hopeless .

Sleep , sleep , sleep . Cooked something for my family . Nobody was around . I felt lonely .... And that stupid pig head !!! Oh my . I could have killed myself . Why am I so careless , so forgetful ?!?!?! Argh ! I'll never forgive myself for such mistake !!! Thank you for you comfort . But still ... WHY ?!?!?! $60 !!!

I slept in late . Oh ... how I miss such days . Nothing much ... Took temperature . Time flies . I was so careless today . My watch , bracelet , ring and phone . Enjoyed my day . I want to be happy , with you . Good night , my love . I knew that you were tired . I love you .

Thank you for yesterday . I was lonely , you called . I was sick , you were there . I love you . Was late for lesson . The teacher refused to make my attendance ! Stayed back for our final project discussion . At least ... some picture ... Hang around in the School .... using the computer . Headed down to the bank and settled my stuffs . Time flies . Before I knew it , it was time for me to leave . I went to the other side and helped out a little with the folding of letters . Headed down to the night market to get my dinner . It was ambrosiac !! Headed home . I had to wear a mask today due to my sickness . Oh my ... I guess it will be the same for tomorrow and the day after . What to do . The virus won . And I love you so . I just want to be like this forever .

Ineffective breathing patterns related to excessive / thick secretions secondary to : influenza . Date started : 18/5/2008 Date resolved : ?? Goals : Achieve maximum pulmonary function and improve gas exchange in the lungs . Nursing interventions : Used up more than 50 sheets of tissue in the morning . Rational : To clear away the ubiquitous mucous . Evaluation : No improvement in gas exchange in the lungs .

It's a Sunday and I'm feeling great . All because of you . Maucks . You mean everything to me . I suggested dinner together with the whole team ... turned out that only 2 guys were able to make it . We went .... more people came . In the beginning ... it was fun . We chatted . But when he left ... and he came ... Nobody talked to me !!! Sob Sob Sob !!! Went home . I felt really breathless . Oh god ... Tomorrow is a holiday , please , let me enjoy it . I had difficulty in breathing . It was hard to sleep . I miss you .

Expecting ... Waiting ... Longing ... But my phone was dead . Nothing . My partner realized that I was moody and tried , in vain , to cheer me up . I MISS YOU !!! Have you ever wonder , maybe , someone is waiting for your call ? You even told me that you forgot ... or something of that sort . How could you ! Ice skating . Talks .... I can't see it . You have the time , yet you don't have the time . What is this ? You were the one who encouraged me ... Now ? I regretted . Why was I so stupid ... To agree ... 2 days ??

3 guys . And I was mad at 2 of them . Let's see ... School ended late . Stayed back with my gang , expect her . Took lots of pictures before rushing down to Orchard to meet the first guy . Somehow or rather , it was hard to meet him . We both were so near , yet so far ... Finally met , but by that time , I was suppose to meet another guy . Settled with that first guy , I went to Vivocity . Confusion . I thought we were supposed to meet at place A , but turned out to be place B . Anyway ... that party was nice . I love the mask , too . Met a new friend , he helped me to finish my food . It was delicious , but well ... Hm ... The last straw came when he called . Speechless . There was no conversation at all . You were missing . As usual . For the second call ... " Bye , good night . "

Cash , wealth , finance . Corrupt my mind with the power of money . Seduce me with the salary . Unbalance my life between employment and studies . Grant me the wish of persistent determination to commit to what I began with . Enslaved by greed .

I went to School early to give my support . For 1 , it went well . For the other , it did not . Just when I thought that I lost $45 ... I got a chance from 5pm to 8pm . Ha ha ... I turned out an hour early . Yeah . I love you so .

Happy Birthday !!!

So this will be the last Birthday we're " celebrating " ?

Anyway ... yeah !!!

I passed !!

Of course , he was so nice ....

Imagine someone else ...

Went home and had a nap . Was totally knocked out . Not even a message and 4 missed calls have the power to wake me up , at my hand phone's maximum tone . I called back and the very first question I was being bombarded with was about my test , " how's your test ? " You ...

Somehow , I regretted my decision ..

Maybe I should just agree to 1 day .

Green eye monster or that I just can't let go ?

Oh ...

Did I heard a maybe for this week ??

Why is it that deep down in my heart ... I knew that the final answer is " can't " ??

Is everything going back to the same , again ? I trust you . I believe in you . I love you .

1 more day to practice ... Scared !!! Just hope ... Only hope ... So it's confirmed ... 3.30pm to 7.30pm . Tired ... Tried to make use of the limited time I have to revise ... The tone you use - mean . The feeling I felt - distance . The way you explained it - understood . The memorises I have - nightmare . Not forgetting the " raindrops " .

Okay . Temperature taking session was unspeakable . Delinquent in my duty ... Odium myself . I detest myself for having such feeling ... The fine blended feeling of both commit verus sin . Only thing to cheer me up ... at least they agreed to have lunch together . I still remembered that time ... another batch . 3 of us having duck rice .

It's temperature taking once again . This time round , there's 2 more steps . Assess .... I'm pretty okay with it .... It wasn't as fun as the last time ... Why do they have to go .... To the another side ... So sad .... Tomorrow too . Overtime tonight ... Met Brother twice . He lent me money , thanks Brother !!! Had to run to both places to collect information ... The feeling ... That feeling ... Tonight ?? Who will be waiting ?? You , me ?? I just hope ... I just wish ... A day ... A date . Maucks . I love you .

Finally ... I went solo . Retail therapy . It's funny ... The stuffs which caught my eyes ... I believe it costed me around $300 . Can you please hold my hand and never let go ? For if you do ... I will go and shop .

Okay ... Now , what am I suppose to do ? What had I been busy with ?!?! I knew that they were forgiving for the past ... But it cannot carry on ... I knew that I got to do something ... play my part .... Argh !!! But it was hard getting information , or was it just an excuse ? It's almost a week ... was past the DEAD line . Anyway ... I wanna shop !!!

I won ! I won the battle ! I knew it !!! I knew that I am able to do it . Yeah !!! But of course ... you all knew what happened ... Spoilt . At least I was ... prepared ?? Anyway ... For the second battle ... Thank you ... For just being there . Maucks . I love you ... now and forever . It was fun !

Oh no !!! Tomorrow ... The day after tomorrow .... Nope , it's tomorrow . It's fast . I shall clear everything in one day . Yeah . Yes ! I can do it !!! Hey pal , well done ! Good job !

It was a shocked to us ... Assessment !!! Oh my !!! Hey girl , I knew that you can do it . And you proved yourself right . You should be very happy . Haha . Rushed down to the Library to meet my best pal . Yeah ... Enjoyed my day . It will be my turn ... soon .

It was temperature taking day once again . Time seems to fly . I can't believe that I am not prepare , yet . Busy ... time pass extremely fast . Haha ... I really enjoy the time we spent after graduation . Yeah ... Big bullies !!!

Peaceful day . Spent most of my time taking temperature . Haha ... A change . Enjoyed my day .

School was fine . Presentation next week ... Argh ! Lucky I am working on this project with my gang .... It's all settled ! YEAH !!! Actually planned to go out with Mum ... but ended up she got to help me bring my clothes . It was really fun ... There was nothing to do at all . Chatted , slacked . Brought the magazine which I had been eyeing on ... Nice day . If only everyday is like this .....

Yeah ... my long awaited holiday . Nothing much actually . Met my friend to collect something early in the morning . Went to study . Muacks . I love you . It's okay .