Phone ... That night when Mum scolded me for not placing the phone by my bedside even though I did , when I took a nap . Brother knew about it ... Ok , I did not hear the ringing even though the phone was beside me . Hm , Maths got C6 ... passed ? Haha . I doubt so . Hahaha .... Sob sob sob ... Ok , first , Geography . Mathani came in and said that the whole class only have one distition . Hui Min . Blah blah blah ... Then Social Studies . Ai Hui got 32 out of 50 . Blah blah blah ... Suddenly , I felt like chocking every single one of them , chocking their necks , and send them on their way ! I was asleep when Ai Hui asked me if I want to go down with them for recess . Before I could reply , she was already off with them . Chemistry ... 31/65 . Almosted passed . But I got a 16/20 for my paper 1 ... See , I've proved to myself , that tutuor ... See my results for paper 1 ! Oh ... Literature ... got back ... not bad ... 24/50 . It's alreay very good , but the Literature teacher commented that I have lots of spelling mistake . English got C6 . Throughtout the whole day , that only know how to talk about L1R4 , L1R5 . Who cares ?! They also never ask about mine ... don't know . Either the spare me fro the torture , or they were treating me as an outcast . Did some quize after School , Mum called my Handphone , but I can't answer . Finally finished the quize . realized that it's 2 pm plus . Ran out of School and called Mum . She was on the bus already . Went home and cookd noodles plus pork cubes and watched " A dat with a Vampire " till evening . I intented to sleep but Mum came home . The first thing Mum said to me was , don't bother you Brother , he's very sad . I hate Mum , I hate you . You never even bother to ask about my grades , instead , you only care about Brother's . You even ask me not to bother him ! Did you ask about my grades when you called while Brohter and I were watching the " A date with a Vampire " ? Doubt so ! No ! You never ! The first thing you said was about Brother . Brother , Brother and Brother ! After dinner , I walked pass the living room asn saw Brother folding back the newspaper . " You're okay ? " I asked . " Yes . " He replied . " Are you sadden by your results ? " I pressed on . " Yes . " He said . Opps ... sorry Brother . Haiz ... It was odd . I am sorry Brother , I felt so useless . You cheered me up when I dropped A Maths and Pure Science , when I failed . Yet , I was so helpless . I can't do anything to help you . At night , Chee Fung called Brother , he was asleep at the dinning table . I woke Brother up and passed him his Handphone . Brother said things like ... paper 1 better than paper 2 ... etc ... Finished within 25 minutes , can't believe it ... etc . Guess it's better to let Brother's friends to cheer him up . Hm .. I did not compaer ... why should we compaer . That's what our hard work and all the mugging reaped . Why should we compare since we have different intelligence level .. I did not lose to them , just that my intelligence level is not as high , and that my potiental lies in other places , not in education ... Like what Mr Goh said , not all A1 students are able to dance well .

Hm .. had Science Paper 1 . Then the whole class went back to the classroom , Mr Koh's order . Mr Koh gave us the instructions of what to do . We would be given back our Emaths Paper 1 and 2 .. then copy the answer from the notice board behind . I went behind and sat with Ai Hui . Li Xin , Xiu Ling .. etc .. the gang were seated infron of Ai Hui's table . I was copying from Ai Hui or something ... I forgotton ... Anyway , when the incident happened , I don't think Ai Hui or Mei Qi were around to defend me or anything ... Ok , what happened was ... Li Xin suddenly said , " Um .. Mu Jie , Xiu Ling want to ... " Xiu Ling grabbed Li Xin's hand and began laughting like thoes cheap girls , like a crazy woman , like a little kid , childishly ... etc .. etc. I am sorry for saying Xiu Ling until like that .. maybe I am not ... I guess I am not . I think I know what Xiu Ling want to ask . Mr Koh had said that only 1 pupil fail the Emaths paper 1 ... it was me ... and I think Xiu Ling wanted to double check if I am the pupil . I mean , how hurtful would it be ? Which one would hurt more ? Xiu Ling asking Li Xin to ask me if I am the pupil ... or Xiu Ling suddenly stop Li Xin from asking me and laughted ? I don't know . But .. well ... I have to say this ... I cried . Yes , I cried . No one was there , to defend me .. Hm , maybe Ai Hui and Mei Qi were laughting at me too , maybe they are in the same boat as Xiu Ling and Li Xin .... and mabye , they won't defend me . Maybe they would act as if they heard nothing ? I am just all alone in this world . Maybe .. it would be better off if I leave this hurtful world ? Haiz .. I am so sorry , Brother , Mr Goh and Ms Ong ... I am having negetive thoughts again .. But I just can't forget that dark , evil laughter of that childish , hatful , unfeeling girl . I am able to forget Mr Koh from scolding me till I cried in class . At least he still sent Ai Hui and Hazel to check that I did not comit sucide or anything . But that girl , that idoit , stupid girl , doesn't even seem to know that she had hurted someone .

Had curry chicken for dinner . Never go Church ... Instead , I went with Mum to the bank to bank in money . Hehe .. Came home and do the Science MCQ .... Sigh ... Don't feel like doing .

That idoit tutor came ... he was an hour late . Yet , he told my Mum that I never give him a straight reply , and so , he don't know if he should come or not . What a liar ! What else whould I say to him . He can't come ! I did told him that , why he still appear ? He came for an hour only ! The he said he go to go for some project or somthing at Esplanade . Fine ... He said he would come at night for an hour again . IDOIT ! I told him no . Messaged him no . But he still came ! See , it wasn't like I never tell him an answer . He is just a pain in the ass ! Anyway , something very funny happened today . After that idoit's tuition , I ate dinner with my family and watched tevision . I was about to eat the very last of my dinner when I realized that it was gone . I exclaimed , " where's my hotdog ?! " Turned out that Dad had ate it ! I had specially saved it for the end of my dinner ... Sob sob . Then Mum and brother were laughting ... My hotdog went missing right under my eyes ...

It rained in the morning on my way to School . Angels in Heaven crying for me ? Chinese paper 1 ... was wishing that Ms Ong would appear . She did ... but with Mr Koh behind her . All the sudden , my mind went black inside the examation hall . I don't know what I should write . I just flip aimlessly with the Chinese dictionary . There was a very serious and major brain blockage . Chinese paper 2 after that . Towards the end of the paper , Mr Koh came . I was hoping that Ms Ong would come too ... But she never ....

They had a morning paper today . Hm .. hope that they do well . At night , Ai Hui called . Yoz , I greeted her . " Er .. yoz . " She replied . It was 10 plus ... Then Ai Hui told me that Mr Koh messaged her . And he wants ME to call him . Blah blah blah .... I don't know what happened next . I don't know ... I messaged Mr Koh . I told Brother about it and he switched off my Handphone . I switched it on a few mintutes later ... He still insisted on me calling him . My hands were shaking when I dailed Mr Koh's number on my Brother's handphone . I was so scared . First , it was already 10 pm plus ... which teacher would ask you to call him/her at such a time ... Second , why can't he just message me ? Does he have to pass through Ai Hui ? Don't he know how embarrassed I would be , how embarrassed I were ? Third , I still remembered what happened during my Emaths paper 1 exam . It is the examation period ... a terrible period . Anyway , I don't know what he said ... Something about me doing badly for my paper 1 , then must revise for paper 2 , if not he would call my Mum . I think he said something else too .... But I was already close to tears . Why can't I just give up ? I am very tired . Tired of this stupid thingy of doing well for studies . Why can't I jsut get a F9 for all subjects ? I just can't do it at all ... I just want to give up ... Giving up now . Nope . I GIVE UP NOW !

Studied till 1am yesterday night . Wasn't sleepy at all . Yup , memorised everything and fully prepared . Went into the examation hall . EMaths paper first . Scarey .. that ... that .. Mrs Koo said something about the paper . But I can't hear what she was talking about . DAMN IT ! If she don't know how to speak , then don't cling onto the mic !!! Anyway , Mr Koh walked pass . I turned my paper . I did the last question on locus first . Then page 1 , page 2 . I fliped my paper to page 3 as I have difficulities in do the questions on the fist and second page . Mr Koh saw what I was doing and tured my paper back to page 2 . I thought I would just faint , or die inside the examation hall . Oh my God .. Is he going to give me a scolding inside the examation hall ? Um , is there any hole nearby for me to hide ? Maybe I just play dead . He wrote something on my paper ... a) and b) . Oh , that was what Mrs Koo was talking about ... However , Mr koh did not just leave . He pointed out to the one and only question I completed on page 2 . 22/100=0.022 I realized my mistake and edited it at once . Physics was next . Hm , it was acceptable .Instead , it was a bit easy . Mr Khor had give us the answer but I never browse through ... ARGH ... Bu nevermind , base on my own ability .. it should be fine .

Science Practical . Mr Koh invigilated the class .. not him again !!!! Mrs Vimi took over at some point of time .. ok , not that bad . Physics was on lens ... easy ! Chemistry .. haiz , anything . Went Hall after the Pratical . But we ended up going to our classroom for Pure Geography paper 2 . It was hard ... Very hard ... Mind challanging .... I struggled a lot ... Maybe , lack of revision time ? Maybe , lack of concentration . I felt like giving up now . Geography , my only Pure subject now ... And it seemed that ... I could not make it . I guess ... I would be happy if I just passed .

Had English and Social Studies today . English was fine . Had difficulity in Social Studies' source base questions . My thinking is always different from the usual . For example , I think that the sources is realible , but it turns out to be unrealible ... Funny , right ? Well , Social Studies' structured questions were .. um ... fine ? Don't know for what reason .. I messaged Kai Xin . She called and was able to have tuition with me as I have Geography tomorrow . Yup , had tuition with Kai Xin at night . Oh , by the way , what a great way to start my prelims ... with menes .... ARGH !!!!

Went CDAC . Was quite crowded . Went to my usual seat and founded out that it was occupied . Sat down at another seat ad then the people started started asking me questions . " You came yesterday also , right ? " " Yup . I replied . " They began asking me about my education level ... Then one girl asked me to teach her Geography . Haha ... It was about pollution ..

I woke up myself . Mum had left for Malaysia . I went School and did the EMaths Paper 1 .... and come back home at 11 am to eat lunch . Haiz ... just a few minutes .... I also want to sin ... to sin ... against God .... What is happening to me !? WHY ?! Had EMaths Paper 2 . Went back home after that . Mum called . I told her that I would be going to the CDAC to study . She was against it at first , but allowed in the end . Went there to study and came home at 7pm . On my way , I saw a very nice Hello Kitty box ... I brought it . I brought chicken wings too . I cooked dinner when I reahed home . Everything was on the table when Mum called back again . At night ... Brother slept in my room . Was about to switch off the lights when I heard the raodio station playing Tong Hua . Brother was sweating , thus , I helped him to wipe off the sweat . I slept at 3.15 am .

Went CDAC . Skipped lunch ... Thus , I brought MacDonald's home . Brother promised to buy for me my dinner . Hm ... Li Hii called , Kai Xin called too . Kai Xin told me that there would be some party this Saturday .... haiz ... they seemed to be enjoying themselves very much . Hm ... anyway .... There is nothing to be upset about because Yi Sin won't be going .

I saw Mei Qi .... We went for Chemistry Remindal together ... did mock paper and then self marked . Hm .. somehow ... I got a B4 . Not bad ! Had Lakasa for lunch . Steve messaged saying that he would be flying off tomorrow . Kai Xin messaged asking for her tuition fees . I told mum about it , then Mum commented , how come so fast ? Thus , I was forced to ask Kai Xin for the tuition dates .... she ended up calling and saying things like , " Ok , you all win . " Haiz ... Sandwitched between ... I slept .... Then that tutor called .

This time round , I was late for 35 minutes . Haha ... Anyway , 9.35 am to 11 am for Physics . I was dozing off ... Went home , then went to CDAC to do Physics . ARGH ! Disppointed with my revision . Was falling asleep ! Went back home and brought double cheese burger ... Oh , I had Nasi Lamak for lunch . Tuition ... felt like slapping him ! Please ! 1 week 3 times ?! Told him Thursday cannot , I have Kai Xin tuition . I have to sent Mum off on Friday . Saturday cannot . Sunday have Church . He even planned for me my Sunday scedule . IDOIT !!!!!!!!!

Lucky Mum called back and asked Brother to wake me up , if not , I would be very late . Rushed to School ... Nothering much . Got back Physics Common Test results . Passed by 5 marks . Wanted to go CDAC to study , but it wasn't open . I went back home . Mum called and ordered me to get my lunch and buy some milk . I did as told . Mum came home for a short while before going out again . I went to the CDAC to do my work . It was quite cold ... Wenth ome , was longing for some Apple Pie . Thus , I called my Mum and Brother . Brother ageeed to buy for me . That tutor called again . Totally pissed off by him ! Want me to change Kai Xin's tutition for his sake ?! Please ! Kai Xin is already so busy !!! Futhermore , thinking about yesterday , how she was saying , " you sounded so sad , " , that tutor can forget about it !

Missed Church again ... Hm , it was the second time . I messaged Kai Xin and she called . She was saying things like , " you sounded so sad ... " She said it twice . Anyway , I went for the Birthday party of Shawn's . It was ok ... as usual , there was nice food to dig in . My cousin knew what I love . Haha . Actually , there wasn't any games or what so ever , just go there and eat ... Yup , I lied to Kai Xin saying that there were games ... Oh , I was canned by Mum early in the morning and I though I won't be going . But she called back home ( she left before us ) and she sounded happy ... she needed my help .

I heard the phone rang . Brother answered it and passed it to Mum . I knew at once who the call was . Sigh , that idoit tutor , who else ? He came in the afternoon , 2pm ... Then we had tuition , I heard Mum going out .... I heard the sound of the closing door , and well , blame me for being a Literature student , I felt as if , Mum had trapped me inside with that idoit tutor ... I felt as if Mum had left me with him ... I felt like crying when I heard that wooden closed , and the sounds of the keys dancing while Mum locked the wooden door , as the lock turned and the wooden door got locked ... Anyway , that idoit tutor said that if I am good enough , he would give me free tuition at NTU ... I began wondering , would I bump into my Sisters or Brothers there ? When the tutor left .... I did the same thing as yesterday ... I am sorry .... I don't know what happened . It seems that ... Everytime when Mum don't allow me to go Church , I would sin .

Went to eat with Ai Hui , Mei Qi , Angie and Li Ying . I never say Grace ... and well , bad thing happened . Mei Qi and I went to Ai Hui's house and played the computer for the whole day ... I went home and then ... I used the computer again .... And that ... Was it all because I never say Grace ?! Brother came home and I just opened and closed the door . He kicked it and Mum opened it for him . Dad started saying I was wrong but I insisted that I wasn't since Brother have his own set of keys and he did not use it .

Had tuition with Kai Xin , then watched Superstar . Hehe .. Yup , it was very interestiong ... Futhermore , it was live . Anyway , only watched half of it after my tuition . Wei Liang got into the first . Haha , not bad !