Work ... Working ... Weekday ... Oh well ... Money !!! The root of all evils .

Somebody cheated me ! Somebody wasn't here today .... 2 new girls ... Oh well . Received a Medium Size Polo Tee . It was gigantic ! Messaged with him almost throughout my work .... I love you ... Please . I never do those things you warned me to ... And so , why ? Why is it still like that ? I don't understand ....

Met you ... West Mall Mos Burger ... I can't wait . Miss you , so much . Even more when we are like that . When you are like that . Why ? I chose to listen to myself despite everyone else . Why are you like that ? You forced me . Look at the big picture .... You should understand my actions . I love you . Maucks . I really do .

I am getting from bad to worst . Missed tutorial . Oh my ... Lesson ended early . Went Woodlands' Night Market with Janani . Met Mum at Chinatown . Spend , spend and spend . 1 green blouse - $5 . 1 pineapple jelly - $5 . 3 Winnie The Pooh photo frame - $5.90 Cd Cardcaptor Sakura - $25.00 2 matching pairs of undergarment - $15 . 1 pair of silver slipper - $25.90 , free $5 voucher . 1 plate of carrot cake - $3 . 1 cup of drink - $1.50 . Beads - $44.20 . At Kiyo .... 1 black and red dress - $79 . 1 red dress with black ribbon - $49 . 1 black pants - $49 . 1 red blouse with ribbon - $39 . 1 black and white dress - $69 . Mum's blouses ... 1 of them at $43 , another at $49 . Was given 6 belts ( 2 black with white poka dots , 2 shiny silver 1 golden and 1 red ) , 6 ribbons ( 4 black , 1 white with black poka dots and 1 black and white ) , 1 butterfly belt and 1 pink necklace . Spent a total of $375 at Kiyo . Went for mole remover ... For me , 1 near my eyebrow , 1 near my mouth , 3 on my left hand and 2 on my right hand . For Mum , 1 near her mouth , another at her neck . Brought a tube of cream .... Total $60 . As for dinner ... 1 bowl of beef undon , 1 bowl of chicken randen , 1 plate of rolls ... total $10 . Oh my ... never spent so much in my life ....

Went for an hour lecture before heading down to Outram , for my dental appointment . Was terrified , but he messaged with me ... Yup ... Maucks . I love you . Went back to School ... had lunch with my gang ... Oh my . Misses 3 lessons ... 3 hours . Never mind .. I love you ... Always .

I am sorry ... To everyone . Oprah ? You don't know the real story . I've let all of you down ... And you , too ... I still can't grasp the reality . Slashes ... Oh ... The feeling ... As it passed through my heart . Hurt ? Immune ?? I don't know . Does it matter , anyway ? You forced me to do it !!! Regretful . I just want to hold onto you ... Be dependence ... On you . Please . Stop it . Limit . Can't take it anymore .... Loosing my mind . Oh , I don't know what I am going to do next . What's next ? Target : Jugular .

There was night class . Hang around in the cafe with Janani while 2 others pal have discussion . Spent my time reading .... Borrowed a number of books , too . Night class was boring . I was yawning ... Oh well . Went online . Was it faith ? Was it destiny ? You were online too ... I tried , to keep the conversation short and simple ... And you called ... I love you .

Oh .... Went back to School . Met my gang ... miss them , lots . School was only form 12pm to 3pm today . Well . I go to ask Amanda for the timing and the modules for today ... I lost my timetable . The original copy . I still have the copy which I photocopied from Yee Ping ... Oh well . Thanks Amanda ... I love you ... I have my own set of thinking , my feelings are unique ... Why should I listen to them ? Same goes to you . Why should you listen to them ? You are you yourself . And that was why I fell in love with you in the first place . Unique . A man of character . Individualize with your own set of personality traits . Rara Avis .

The past is back . Hunting ... For my soul ... I am tired . Maybe , physical hurts are better . I don't want to burn your house . Why don't you take a knife and stab me right in my heart ... just like what you did to me emotionally ? It will be much better , lesser pain .

Yes , I realized ... It's staring at me , right at my face , just like you said ... I am not worthy to be loved . I don't deserve to be treasured . By you . By them .

They went to the Labor Ward instead . They came up ... Only to have my friend informed me ... They saw ... They were supposed to inform me , so that I can go down with my friend .... But they never . It was my friend who alerted me that they were in the room . Went down . Stayed for half and hour more .... Nothing happened ... Went back . Waited till 2am plus .... Why ? Why , why and why .... So many questions ... I knew that you are just out to make me sad , angry . I love you ... Maucks ........

I spoke up . I did ... And so .... I will be at the Nursery tomorrow instead of the ward . Yeah ... I love you ... I really do ... Why ?? I don't know .... What is love ? A four letter word with a lot of meaning .

Spent the day in Nursery .... My instructor complimented ... encouraged me to join those neonates high dependency or neonates intensive care unit ... Maybe I should consider ? I never remember anyone praising me during my posting .... Must less recommending me any wards to go to after I pass out . Actually , thought of going to that surgical ward ... It's the most enjoyable posting I ever had ... Things just went smoothly ... I learn a lot from that posting ... I passed my skills ... Everything was fine ... Of cause ... expect for them ... Backstabber ... Oh ... what can I do . Count my blessing . At least I have Min Hui with me . Yeah ... I ... love ? Love that ward ? At least I knew everything , the routine and all . Where to get the keys ... etc . And the patients !!! I've built rapports with them ... I dare say all of my patients ... Even those two guys around my age ... Oh ... wonder how are they now ? Haha ... I knew every diagnosis of my patients ... What they were warded for ... It's nice , peaceful ... knowing that everything was under control . Yup ... But my teacher's good word .... Maybe I would consider ? Looking at those infants in the nursery .... I wonder ... how will our baby look like next time ? Boy or girl ? At what age will I be a Mother ? Am I up to it ... Plus the cost ... Hm ... I love you ... no matter what ... I will wait for you ... in whatever circumstances ... My love for you is strong .

I thought that nothing could be worst ... Well ... It seems like everything is out to get me !!! Mum woke me up ... announcing to me that I am late !!! She thought that my attachment starts at 8am !!!! Rushed there ... Reached there in the nick of time .. Surprised !!! There was one and a half hours of break today !!!! Been searching for a song ... A song lyrics . And I found it !!!! I was so delighted !!!! Oh .... Not a very good day for me today , either ... I was " late " .... And got " scolded " by the senior staff nurse .... I wasn't !!! I swear !!!! I was waiting for them ... Only to realized that they had finished the video .... And I missed it .... Oh well ... What can I do ?! Thanks Amanda !!!! For you encouragement !!! You must " love " your instructor okay ... ?? Maucks ... I still love you .... Sometimes , I wonder ..... Will it be better ... less painful .... if you just stab me ... with a knife ?? Hm ... ?? Or maybe run me down with a vehicle ?? It will be less gruesome , I guess ... ?? Ha ... Nah .... save energy ... I just love you . Maucks .

What a day .... Mondays ... I hate it !!! But I will be thankful ... My lecturer is not Amanda's lecturer !!! Ha ... I never had lunch ... Tummy was growling .... So loud that I believed that my 2 partners can hear ... There was suppose to be 2 breaks !!! Where's my second break ?! It was raining ... Cats and dogs ... I walked in the rain ... All soaked ... Drenched ... I only hope that my uniform is not too translucence . Ha ... Settled my stomach before bating .... What a day ... Just a mental note ... Always bring an umbrella for attachments ... Realized that the hospitals I went to ... Were not equipped with a shuttle . Maucks ... I love you ... No matter what ...

We had some party for the patients .... Somehow ... well ... you can say that I got used to the ward ... Relaxing ... Seriously .... I should be warded as a patient .... Oh well ... Good bye everyone in my ward ! Really learn a lot ... Amanda ... you may be right ... I am fit to be there . Ha ... Enjoy planting your plants !!!

Crisis Wd***. Day .

Crisis Wd*** . Day . Crisis Wd*** . SVC .

Attachment to Mental Health Hospital .... Institute of Mental Health ... Learn a lot from my posting . The Clinical Instructor was extremely nice .... It was quite relax in some way ... We don't have to attend to their physical needs .... not much ... Only had 2 days of afternoon shift within the 2 weeks for my posting ... Conducted activities for them . Had Health Education too ... Felt like ... we are all inside a prison . It's hard to come in or get out ... Thanks for those people who helped me to open the doors ... And Amanda ... Without you , the posting would be boring ... Guess I had bothered you with all my nonsense ... Ha ... Enjoyed attachment with you . Not forgetting Janani who was " next door " , and Min Hui who was " on top "... Overall ... What I can say is that .... It's so different ... Hardly and visitor around ..... You got to experience it to understand it ... All the while ... I was wondering ... Why am I there as a student nurse ... Maybe Amanda is right ... I should be a patient there ... I have all the signs and symptoms of a mental patient .... I love you . Maucks .

Caught the countdown at Vivocity with Brother at home ... As the show ended ... I was still waiting for you ... waiting to hear you talk about her . Fine ... Dated at West Mall McDonald's . Anyway ... changed the channel after the Countdown ended ... Kelly sang a song , which really reflect my feelings . You got your song , I've got mine . Yes ... you gave me what I wanted .... But like I've said ... Don't do it because I wanted , I requested it ... Maucks . I love you ... You never wish me this year ... Not even once ... I'm sorry ....