Ai Hui was absent from School and Xiu Ling helped her to collect Homework . Is this some kind of .... revenge ? I went to the KFC in the afternoon and bump into Anna , thus , I ended up eatting with her and her friends . I hardly talk to her friends , I only had conversations with Anna . Rushed back to School and there was Physics Self Study . I asked Mr Khor a number of questions . Sigh , Self - Study was really boring these days ........ But nevertheless , I still feel that it's worth it . After Physics was Chemistry . Ms Ong was not around for Self Study yet there was work to be completed .... we can't even have a good rest ! I forgot to bring my Jornual for English Self Study .... Thank God that I did not get an earful from my English Teacher !

I finally asked Mum what she wants to do with the HOD of Maths and Prinpal's name . I got a total shock in my life ! Oh my God ! Thank God that I lied to them , saying I don't know their full name ! If not ......... See , I never once regret my choice and I'm not letting myself down ! Nevertheless , when I knew what they wanted to do with the names , I felt , suddenly , so lost .... I don't know what to do ! How can such a small problem turn so ugly ? How did it blew up ? I got a feeling that my life won't be right forever . Nothing would be right . No peace . My life would just be turned over in just a few seconds . Nothing is forever . There is no forever ... happiness are just short lived . I am able to trust no one ? Expect ... a few ..... I miseed a few period of School as I have performances . It went well . When I finally return back to class , it was English Lesson . I looked at my table and got a real shock in my life . It's the second shcok I have for today . I got 27/50 for my English Common Test ! Can you believe it ?! Well , I can't . It's unbelievable excellent ! Futhermore , I finally improved by 2 marks . I usually got 25/50 for Englsih Common Test . Just a few more marks to get 30/50 .... and then 40/50 ........ And soon , I'll get 50/50 ! Opps .... I'm daydreaming , building sand castle in the air once again ............ how to get a full marks in Common Test !? I ate Breadfast Set with Anna after School and went for Chinese Dance . I left at 4 pm to hear some Prinpal's speech . Lydia and I arranged to meet in the Hall and she passed me some Poly Guides . I felt quite dizzy during the " talk " . It's actually about the Self - Study programe . Lots of pupils are not happy with the timing - it's too tiring for us . I took back my Emath file after the " talk " and went back for Practice . There was Chicken Wings for dinner . Yummy ! Brother was not around again . Hm , he received the NS letter . Hehe , Brother's going for NS next year ....... Hm , I wonder what would be like next year when Brother's not around ? I browsed through the Poly Guides Lydia gave me . Something caught my attention ! The Singapore Poly have the so - call - Navy course I always longed for ! It's actually the Singapore Maritime Academy , Nautical Studies ! I actually plan to become a Theatre Actress , but since Mum won't hear of it , I'll get another plan !

There was PE today and our P.E teacher was not around . I just hung around with Ai Hui , Mei Qi and Hui Min . Sigh , I felt lonely ..... I mean , I was physically around , but mentally ?! I doubt so . I went up to the class and got down some books . When I returnted , I realized that Ai Hui , Mei Qi , Hui Min , Zhi Hui ... etc ... were going up to class . I joined them . I messaged to Ms Ong at night and told her that I would not be around tomorrow as I have performances . Hm , since she was quite alright during self study today and that she did replied to my messages , I dared myself to ask her what Ai Hui's personal problems were .... And I did . Mum asked me for the HOD of Math and my Prinpal's name . I refused to tell her because I know that she's up to no good . Mum told me that Cousin Hui Ying wants me to message her . Sigh , I'm forced to ! So , in the middle of the night , I did . My God . You know what her messages were ? You know what she told me ? " Can your attitude change when talking to your mum ? Do you want to regret when she's not atound ? If you talk to her properly , you would have known the reason . " Please , it's none of your business ! I never see the reason why you have to become part of my own Liew's family's problem ! Who do you think you are ?! Talking to me in such a tone ! My family business is none of your business ! Why would I want to know the reason when I knew deep down inside me that you'll be up to no good ? " She has the right since she's your Mum and you are immature in your thinking . It's for your own good . Just like in office , your boss can shout at us but we can't do that . " Okay , whatever . She has the right , but you don't ! Please , just who do you think you are , saying me immature in my thinking ! So what if you are SO mature ?! And who says that I'm immature in my thinking ?! I've made my own dicission , why do you have to become part of my disicssion ? As if I have not suffer enough making that dicission ! As if I have not cry enough during that period of my life ! " You have to make sure you are on the right path . Remember you are responsible for your own action and don't drage your family down . A mistake you make can casue your Brother his future . " Okay , yar right ! Brother Brother and Brother again ! I'm always on the right path . Who says I'm not !? Well , so what if I became lousier ? Does it concern you ?! Yar right ! Of couse I am responsible for my own actions , who cares about you ?! So what if dropping Amath arn't an ideal action ? So what !? Does that means that I have no more future ? And only my Dear Old Brother have a very bright future , so bright that I'll go blind looking at it ? Who says that I am draging my family down ? Am I ? Well , only in your eyes ! " It's just a reminder to you . Bear that in mind cause you are easily influenced by others . Others may frame you without you knowing . Just do your best in studies so that you won't regret later . " Reminder ? Oh well , thanks a bunch then ! Hm , influenced by others ? If you are talking about that phone conversation when I finally agreed to retake Amath and changed my mind the next day , let me tell you the turth . I agreed just to please you and so that I can hang up the phone and not have any more buzzing around my ears and so I can have a pleasent and peaceful night ! Hm , frame me ? Well , why would others frame me when they won't get any advantage ? Well , people are smarter then that , okay ! Futhermore , I'm quite a sly person . I don't want to say anything means I won't say anything , well , maybe over my dead body ? Why would others frame me when they wound get nothing in return ? As if I have a zillion of money waiting for them to snatch ! Futhermore , I never once regreted dropping all my subjects ! At least , I don't have that much stress ! So why are you rubbing salt and making the past alive ? I always look up to Cousin Hui Ying as some sort of nice person yet I'm so wrong . Hm , in her eyes , teenagers who smoke , who retained and those who went normal stream are bad people , they are gangsters . You can't be friend with them as you would end up being like them ! People who went inside the jail before are known as bad guys who are not able to turn oven a new leaf ! They can't be trusted and she looked at them with " colour " eyes . Hm , now , then I really know what type of person she is ..... I was so wrong ..... Nobody is looking down at me , instead , they have high hopes for me , getting A1 and A2 for my upcoming GCE O level ! Only Cousin Hui Ying is looking down at me .......... plus ..... Mum . I'm so fortunate to have Jun Zhan beside me all along those hard times of life ! Brother , thanks for encouraging me all the while ! Libra September 23 - October 22 You're always so generous to your friends and family . Don't you deserve a little selfish indulgence ? Enjoy a happy , not-so-selfless day . And keep an open mind -- some big changes are coming up soon . Hehe , I'm allowed to me selfish ! Hm , no doubt , some BIG changes are happening .... But how to keep an open mind to it ?

Oh my ! Bad news ! From now on , all the Secondary 4 Express and Secondary 5 Normal pupils ( okay , to make it short , everyone who is sitting for GCE O Level at the end of this year ) have to stay back after School from 2.30 pm to 5.30 pm every day from Monday to Friday for self - study ! Sigh ... I fell into that lot , did I not ! Ai Hui looked for Ms Ong during recess . I asked her why and she only say , " Personal . " Hello !? What's so personal ? I mean , do you not know how I feel ? I told you ever personal thing in my life last year , you even cried with me and comforted me . What can be SO personal between us ? Or , are you just treating me like a trash , are you just some sort of listening ear whereas I'm not ?! I trusted you and shared with you all my joy and sorrows , yet you , you don't even say a thing ! Have you spared a though for me ? Do you know how I feel ? Okay , seems that you don't . So , let me tell you , I feel LEFTOUT ! You know that I have hardly any friends , they only know my name , some don't even know my FULL name ! Am I not your friend whom you can trust with your fears and tears ?! Am I just yet another burnden to you when I shared with you my tears ?! Well , guess I am ! And I'm positive that I'm right ! Look here girl , I don't want and " one - way - contect " ! What I'm looking for in a friend is " two - way - contect " ! I trust you and you trust me . I look for you in times of danger / problem , and you look for me when you feel like crying ! You tell me about your personal life , and I tell you mine without any lies ! And , to say in a not - so - nice - way , have you not notice that we are becoming some sort of ... causal friend ? I wanted to share with you my feelings about my Mum's sudden dicission , I wanted to share with you everything and not feel so bottled up ! Yet you ............. you don't even notice a single change in me ! Do you know how upset was I during that period of time ? Do you know about those thinngs that my Mum did ?! No you don't ! If it was still last year , maybe , I have already cried with you in the School Garden already ! Okay , I know that everyone of my friend are close to their parents . You , Lydia , Vanessa ... there example is more then enough ! Yes , you have excellent bond with your parent which I don't ! So ? So , now I'm an outcast already , is it ? Well , since you are so close with your parents , then why do you " snatch Ms Ong " from me ?! I know very well that , if you have any " down moments " , you can easily share with you dear family members , your Daddy , your Mummy , and your Brother ! So why are you telling Ms Ong personal thing about you and yet not your own dear family members ?! You know that I have litmited number of listening ear ... why are you treating me this way - like a trash ! Haiz ! Well , who cares about her ?! Who cares about her so call personal peoblem ! Hm , I don't need a friend liker her . Instead , I have lots of caring Brothers and Sisters in my Church , would I still need her ? Nope ! Futhermore , we would be going on with our lifes after this year , just like what happened to Sok Ee and Lydia ... I'll meet more new friends far better then her ! Self - study today was a breeze actually . We just sat around and we were even allowded to listening to our MP3 !

Yeah ! It's Good Friday ! I left home and called Yi Sin . Turned out that she can't make it for the " Treasure Hunt " today ! Oh my ... I pressed her for the reason over the phone and she only mumbled " I'll message you . " She did . She said she would be going out with her Mum . Okay , that I understand . But what I don't was ........ was it REALLY that difficult to tell me over the phone ?! Is it a MUST to message ?! So , I ended up going to Sumerset all alone , drowning myself with songs from my dear old MP3 player . Worse still , I was the first to reach , and thus , I sat the like a dummy , or maybe a begger . Okay , begger won't have enoguh cash to buy MP3 . Diana , Li hui , Kai Xin .... etc .... etc ... started coming out of their train . And soon , we headed to the Youth Park to report . My cell group , N264 , have to spilt into two groups . I ended up in Diana's group . Soon . the hunt began ! My God ! I want to complain ! We were not allowded to use public transport and we can only walk walk and walk ! It's so tiring ! Hm , futhermore , we have to go and look for answer , hunt for the right answer ! Sigh ...... Oh yes , everythime my group leave our station to go to our next station , we would always bump into Bob , James , Vanessa ... etc ... If Yi Sin was around , mayve she would be in their group ..... Soon , the Treasure Hunt ended ... time was not enough even though it was exented . Hm , too bad .... my group left only one or two station(s) not completed . Well , my group did not win anything ..... Too bad . Nevertheless , Yi Sin's cell group came in third ! Congrates ! My Cell Group went to eat and I joined along . When we ate finish , I managed to pursude Li Hui to stay together with me . We went to look for N127 and we shopped with them . Well , nothing much , just that I really wish that Yi Sin was around so that I don't feel that bored all the time ! And that I won't need to be the only girl boarding the train with James and Joel ! He was around , if only he had stayed on , instead of going off so soon , I believe that he would ask me that age old question . I trust that he would suceed in digging out information from my mouth , which was what I wanted him to , since I need his concern , love and care ........ Sight , why does he have to leave so early ? WHY ? WHY ? WHY ? A zillion and one why , yet with not even a single answer !

I boarded SBS bus 198 and got a shock in my life ! The bus was crowded at first and I was stuck in the first deck . When the crowd finally cleared , I went up the the second deck and sat down . To my surpirse , Mr Koh was sitting not far away from me ! Scarey .... Thank God that he never turn his head ! Hm , I reached the Clementi Stadium and found Ai Hui . Others came and attendence were taken . I hung around with Ai Hui when I was with my class , or else I was with Annna and Hui Min . When the Sports Day finally dismissed , I went to the nearby McDonal's to have lunch . Almost all the Chinese Dance Members crowded the restuant . Hm , not forgetting some the the younger teachers who ate there too . Soon , we went to the Kallang Theatre for Chinese Dance practice . Indian and Malay dancers used the stage first , then Chinese Dancers . We practiced awhile before we went to change into our costume . I don't mind wearing the costume on stage , but ask me to dance with that , wearing a red tube inside ?! I have second thoughts about that ! We were dancing when ..... oh well , my tube slipped and ........... Blah blah blah ! Mdm Chuang messaged me and I told her all about the " tube " thing . Hehe ... Hm , too bad that she can't make it on our actual day of Singapore Youth Festival ! I brought some dinner home and ate ... Brother skipped his Dinner once again !

" Praise God " I am going to flunk my Chemistry Common Test ! It's arn't really my fault . It's that I don't know he topics ! I missed out one very important topic ! Endothermic and exothermic reaction . Futhermore , there was such a simple give away question - Explain what is exothermic reaction . I don't know how to answer that question ! I never revise that topic ! Stupid idiot me ! How come I don't know the topic ? It's all because of the realy system ! Hui Min messaged me the topic . Nevertheless , one of the topic was weird thus , I asked Hui Min what's the actualy topic . Hui Min don't know . Therefore , I never ask other people since I doubt that they would know the answer ..... I'm such a stupid student , arn't I ? I can easily message Ms Ong ans ask her , or I can ask my other classmates ! Haiz ... Maybe , if I'm still a Pure Student , none of these " topics " problem would arise , would they !? Haiz , hopeless ! That's what I am ! Nevermind ! Look at the bright side of life . there would still be more Chemistry tests coming up ....... I would score well then !

The Emath test was very easy ! I mean it ! All he sums were on alrgrbra ! It's very simple ! Haha , for once , I have confidence in passing the Common Test well , with flying colours ! Ai Hui and I were in the Garden during recess . There would be Physics Common Test later . I asked Ai Hui to sit together with me , but instead , she wanted to study her Pure Physics . Mei Qi and Hui Min came and the hang around with Ai Hui . So , I was there sitting all alone , not revising my work . I feel like sharing everything with Ai Hui ... but Haiz . Combine Physics was so much easier then Pure Physics . Nevertheless , I have serious doubt in passing the paper . It's no news . I never study , do you expect me to pass with flying colours ??! Futhermore , I never learn the formula , how do you expect me to score well ? I went home and Mum forced me to make a dicission once again . I had already made mine LONG TIME AGO ! I was sitting on the dinning table when Mum asked me wether I want to retake . I saw the pen knife on te table ... should I , or should I not ? Mu Jie Angle and Mu Jie Devil were argueing once again . Cousin Hui Ying called my house and talked to me after Tuition . I sometimes wonder if deep inside me if I really want to cry ?? Cousin Hui Ying wanted me to retake Amath . To tell the truth , it all HER fault ! It's all because of her that's why Mum wanted me to retake Amath . Progranda ! That's it ! Cousin Hui Ying said - Amath have a better chance of going Junior Collage . She even promised me that if I get into a Junior Collage , she would buy me air tickets to Japan and shop for Hello Kitty ! Nevertheless , no matter how appealing the offer looks , I have totally NO confidence . Of couse , to say it in a rude way ... If I am able to take Amath , then why would I fail so badly last year ? Plus , to tell the truth , I know for sure that I won't score well for my Amath tests . And if so , I'm trust that Mr Koh would give me a good scolding every now and then . I am happy with the subjects I am taking now . I have been passing and scoring quite well for my Emath . Okay , passing , I did passed . But , delighted with the results , I have doubts in that ! I am so happy that I need not study for Amath . Okay , maybe retake Amath arn't such a bad idea after all . I would have a better chance of getting into a Junior Collage and thus would soon be on my way to Japan next year . But .... I reall don't think that I am able to score well for that subject . I am not able to cope well ! At least , worse come to worse , I take Amath when I REALLY get into a Junior Collage ....... Just let me do well in Emath as a stepping stone first ......... Haiz , am I blottling up my feelings once again ? Hopefully not . Maybe , I should have taken Brother's advice and messaged Ms Ong yesterday night . I should have ... shouldn't I ? Libra September 23 - October 22 Someone ( or something ) is about to knock you off your cosmic balance with little in the way of warning and even less in the way of remorse . Don't worry ; you may spill something , but it's nothing to cry over . Yes ! And the someone is ... you should know who ..... Nothing to cry over ? Haiz ..... hopefully so . Libra September 23 - October 22 It's sharing time -- what have you got to show and tell ? If the stars have their say , you'll be spilling your guts about your innermost feelings , with no hesitation and no regrets . Hm , sharing time ? Yes , I've got something to show and tell ... But spilling my guts about my innermost feelings with no hesitation and no regrets ? Hm , who would want to hear anyway ? Libra September 23 - October 22 A long talk about important topics could bring you even closer . Compromise is one of your talents , but don't cave in . Haha , a logn talk with my crush ? Hm , some to think of it , he wanted me to retake Amath and drop Pure Science too .... Haiz ... Libra September 23 - October 22 Get down with your friends and really talk things over . You'll find yourself opening up new areas that you didn't know existed . Talk is the best for you now . As usual , not my fault that I'm not opening out .... It's people who don't want to hear it !

I went to School today . Sigh ! It was tough keeping myself awake ! I want to SLEEP !!!! Zzzz ......... I stayed back with Ai Hui and Mei Qi after School . English Teacher was not around therefore there was early dismissal . We were doing our own work and joking with each other whyen suddeny Mr Koh appeared . Haha , he just wanted to take something .... Scared us ! I went home and Mum told me that she went to look for the HOD Of Math today ! What is she trying to do !? Oh my God ! Please ! I really don't want to retake the stupid Amath ! And there was Mum trying to make me lose face and everything ! Have she not spared a thought for me ??! How am I going to face the HOD anymore ?! There was Kai Xin's tuition at night . It was okay . Mum nagged again and Brother and I were in my room . " How Brother ? " I asked ? " Message Ms Ong . " ..............

I went for my Chinese Tuition and went to Jurong Point next with Kai Xin . We ate at the KFC and went looking for soem red tubes and some panties . I needed them from my Chinese Dance SYF . I managed to find the panties yet there wasn't any red tubes ! Ended up , Kai XIn got to help me buy from some other place . Kai Xin and I went to City Harvest Church . Hm , service was great ! I went home with Yi Sin after that . I got to rush home for another tuition . There was a new tutor comeing today , Andy . He was suppose to teach Brother and I Math and Science . Andy was quite okay as a tutor . I woke up at 3 am in the morning to rush finsih my Holiday Emath Homework . Haiz , tomorrow , the fist day of Term 2 . I am going to DIE ! I would be sleepy , no doubt , since I slept so late in the mroning !

Cousin Hui Ying's maid came to my house and clean my house . I went to Popular to buy some stationaries after that . Hm , there were discounts and I brought a number of things ! Tuition was boring as usual . I went to NTUC after and brought a lot of things too . Not to forget , 2 more tubes of ice - creams ! Mum wanted me to buy some jelly powder . I went to a number of shops ( which my purchases from NTUC and Popular ! ) yet I can't locate the jelly powder ! I went home and realized that Cousin Hui Ying was around . She left soon after meeting me . Yeah ! Tomorrow , finally , I would be to going to City Harvest Church ! I miss my Brothers and Sisters !

I woke up and rushed to School . Thank God that I was not late ! I sat beside Boon Ya during the E Math Mock Exam . God , Emath Paper 1 was so difficult ! Paper 2 was still acceptable since there's drawings of Loucs . I was having flu and my " nose kept on running " ! Worse ! No one have tissue ! I ended up using my hand as a tissue ! I know that it's unhygienic and disgusting , but I'm left with no choice ! Victor Brother messeged me something very strange out of the blue . I was shock and replied him . Turn out that he sent the wrong person ! How dare he ! I went down and cycle while Brother did some exercise . His NS is coming . I wish him luck ! Father , I pray that I would pass my Emath mock paper . The least is pass . I'm so scared ! What if I failed and Mr Koh scold me right in front of the class or something ?

Hm , I stayed at home the whole day with Brother and we did nothing much . Both of us tried in vain to do our hoemwork . Hm , I ended up doing nothing much . Kai Xin came for tuition at nigh . It was still okay . I asked her a few questions on Geography and Social Studies Homework . Those homeworks were actrually quite okay , just that I'm lazy to put on my thinking cap . After the tuition , I ate ice - cream ! Hehe . It was so yummy ! I should be revising for my Emath paper tomorrow instead of eatting , but I was so tired ( for no reason ) . I de - stressed by not taking care of my health and ate something so cold near mid night ! I'm slacking these days . Homeworks arn't completed up to my expections , I have not use my spare time to revise and everything . Argh ! Holidays are coming to an end soon and my Emath Mock test tomorrow !

Hm , I got up late again ! Worse ! I was changing into my School clothes when my tummy was very pain , it gave me problem again ! It's the same old pain .... It was so scarey , so frightening . Argh ! Nevertheless , I got to force myself and got into my clothes and ran to School . I was late as usual . Ms Ong just gave us some work to do , some worksheet . Well , as if I know how to do like that ! But , hey ! There was an early dismissal ! I went with Ai Hui to the folyer and did some work . I asked her and a number of my classamtes about the Physics and Chemistry Howmwork . See , I am so stupid . I don't even know how to do Sub - Science Papers ! But , my classmates don't know how to do too , even thought they are taking Pure and was top in the class before ? Physics was interesting ! I never though that I would be wild awake the whole duration from 1 pm to 4 pm ! We were allowed to listen to our MP3 , which I did ! Actually , the School shoudl allow us to bring things like Handphone , MP3 ... etc ... to School . What's the use of these School rules when no one obey them ?

I was late for Maths Remindal today . After the remindal , I went to the folyer to wait for Anna . She was late .... And so . I just sat there and waited . Ms Ong walked by and she just said , " Mu Jie , tell your Mum that Literature cannot drop . Your Literature Teacher would call her . " " Oh ... Okay .... " And Ms Ong just left like that ..... I went to eat Chicken Rice ( with extre Chicken Wing ) with Anna and went for Chinese Dance and I just went home after the practice . I never tell Ai Hui ANYTHING about my Mum , like what I used to ! Why ?! Is it because I don't want to cry anymore ?! I remembered the very last time I cried in the School Garden , and my whole life changed after that ,with Ms Ong entering into my life . I don't think I have the face to go to her Chemistry Lesson tomorrow . Brother , I am MORE then irritating ! I'm a trouble - maker too and more then that , stupid ! My low low low low intelligence level .... If only I am clever enough , then all these things won't happen . Things won't turn out SO ugly .... There's more to it .... It goes ocen deep down . The hurt and embarrassment is MORE then that !

I woke up in the morning and at once regretted my action and wished that I never wake up before ! I almost faint ! Mum had left of work hours ago . She had left me a note ... demanding me to ask Ms Ong about dropping Literature and retake Amath ! This was totally CRAZY !!!!! I went to School and did my Holiday Homework with Anna . I knew that things are going to turn out REAL ugly , so I did as Mum instructed . I messaged Ms Ong . Damn it ! Ms Ong's busy today ! And VERY busy , I must add and emphasis it STRONGLY ! It's more then School work , it's personal things ! I went to eat with Anna at KFC for lunch . I saw the Bean - snow - Bear - head which I always wanted and brought it at once ! On our way back to School for Chinese Dance , Mum called . I tried in vian to agure with her . See , that's the problem ! There's a tiger in front , I advised her not to go , yet she went and even commented me for showing disrespect ! DAMN IT !!!!! I ended up giving her Ms Ong's handphone number . At first , I tried to put her off by telling her that the number is storted inside my Handphone . We hung up , and she called again ! You see ! That's the case ... if I don't give , Mum would say all sorts of things again ! What .. Christans respects their parents , and I'm totally opposite , and so might as well don't go Church since it's a watse of time ! And when it happened , Kai Xin would come knocking on my door and asking for a vaild reason ! I'm really sorry , Ms Ong ... I don't ment to bother you on such a busy day ! I'm sorry , I REALLY AM ! I don't have a choice , I know my Mum far too well after staying under the same roof with her for the past 15 years of my life ! Anna and I reached back School and attented Chinese Dance . Chinese Dance practice was inside the learning room , dirrerent from the Dance room we used to occupy . We needed some make - up stuff and thus , I went down with Anna to get it from the Teacher's room ... and I was shocked ! I saw Ms Ong inside the Teacher's room ! I mean .... I thought ... she won't be in School today !? After doing all those warm up exercises , we went to the hall ... and I saw Ms Ong walked by , again . Anna and I helped to put the stuffs back , and on our way , I finally bumped into Ms Ong ! She sounded angry or something .... I'm really sorry , Ms Ong ... I don't ment to bother you on such a busy day ! I'm sorry , I REALLY AM ! I don't have a choice , I know my Mum far too well after staying under the same roof with her for the past 15 years of my life ! ( Repeat ) I went home after a hard day practicing for Chinese Dance SYF . I sat on the dinner table , drinking a clear clean glass of water , and there was Mum spoilling the atmosphere ! She forced me tp make a dicession . I had made mine LONG LONG AGO ! I went back to my room and sat at a corner ... I never felt that lonely before .... I hugged the newly brought Bear Head .. Things would go far more worst ! Worse then this ! I never felt that lonely before ...... Libra September 23 - October 22 Don't let hurt feelings get in the way of true happiness. Rein in your pouting with a little self-discipline. Gee , what does that mean ? Don't let hurt feelings get in the way of true happiness ? TRUE happiness ? Chim ! I don't understand that ! I'm not in the mood to digest it !

I went for tuition in the morning and ordered take out from KFC . I ate with Brother , and was forced to clear all the leftovers and cups ... etc .... Brother Bully ! Brother left home after eatting his lunch and I left after cleaning up .... we both met at Suntect. There was a cheerleading competition . Oh my ! THey were so cool ! Sepecially the invited guest from other country ! I've decided to join Cheerleading no matter what ! Yeah Yeah Yeah ! I was totally awe - struck when those girls do the stunts . They did scorpion , they turn in the air and they did somersault ( chicken feet ! ) Brother chatted with James ... Did I mention that I missed Service today , all because of my Chinses Tuition ? Well , Today Service was at the Indoor Stadium and I can't make it ! James invited Brother to have lunch together , but Brother rejected it ... Too bad ! Brother and I went Chinatown when the competition ended . Hm , I don't know what tyep of direction Mum gave Brother ! Nevertheless , I have my Big Good Old Brother as a shield from Mum's scoldings ! And do you believe it ?! Mum gave us the wrong direction and she still have the cheek to be mad at us ! So , Me , Mum , Brother , Godfather and Godmum went to a small restaunt to eat . Godmum asked me one question - Do I hate my Mum !? What type of FUNNY question was that !? Hm , so far so good ... I don't hate my Mum , how can I have the heart to , right ?! But over the times , I realized and learnt that happiness are all short - lived . All of us went to the overhead bridge and took lots of photos . Hm , I heard that he was around ... and I was NOT ?! I'm around and he's NOT ?!Is this what you call fate ? Okay , Brother ... move on with life , like what J****** did ? Haiz , bit I still need his care and concern, that that's the reason why I fell in love with him !

Lydia woke me up this morning wih her phone call . She wanted to meet me and pass me some of her books . Cousin Hui Ying called me today ... I mean , called my house . She wanted me to drop Literature and take back A math so that I can get into Business or Account Courses . Worst ! Mum instead on talking to Ms Ong when I told her that it's impossible ! Please ! Why so sure that I'll go Poly !? Hm .... by hook or by crook , I'll prove you guys WRONG ! But then ..... really ! Account and Business really arn't my cup of tea ! WHy should I torture myself ? And I'm quite glad that my Emath is improving ! My CA1 results was double the score of what I got last year end of year results ! From 38 to 67 ! I asked Mum for permission to go and fellowship with my Chruch Freinds after my Chinese Tuition . " Mum , tomorrow my Church Service is at Indoor Stadium . May I join them after my Tutuion ? " " NO ! You have not been bataized , don't need to be so commited ! " Crazy , asshole , bitch ! Have you not tortured me more than enough yesterday !? Hm , talking about the word " totture " , I overheard my Mum telling Cousin Hui Ying that when I was in Primary School , my School Teachers though that Mum tortured me at home ! Yes ! MUM DID TORTURE ME ! Not physically .... but mentally ..... I'm going crazy ! Hm , Is it true that if someone hinks too much , (s)he would end up in mental hospital ? Maybe it's true ! If my Primary School Teachers really showed me care and concern , like what Ms ong did , then , maybe my tears would flow lesser .....

The first thing I reached the School , Hui Ming and Hui Min were comparing results .... " You see , so bad , have an E8 . " " But you have an A1 for ..... " I forgot what subject was that . If I'm not wrong , it was Chemistry ... Hui Ming's Chemistry is very good . I won't be surprise if she scored an A1 .... If it's Mu Jie .... Hm .... Pigs and Humans are able to fly in the sky ! A1 ..... I can't find any on my progess report .... Shit ! I felt so lousy .... Really , I should have done better ! Mr Koh said during his lesson , " Oh yar , the Emath Common Test . The graph I scared you all don't know , Mu Jie , you got bring your Emath Ten Years Series ? " " Huh ? Today ..... ? Er .... no " I played dumb . " I think you not interest . " Yar , not interest , once again ! Maybe Mr Koh's is correct . I'm not interest in scoring well .... I only know how to slack ! Mum don't allow me to go indoor stadium , not really don't allow . I was forced to stay at home to hear her naggings . "Dropped to Combine , so simple ! People would expect you to score better , but your grades ........ etc .... etc ..... " Craps ! All were craps ! I walkedall the way to Lakeside MRT . It reminded me of the song .... Boulevard of Broken Dreams " I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a ... My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone . " I drowned myself with my dear MP3 player . I was forced to borrow money from Yi Sin to buy a single trip ticket as the minium top up for my card was $10 .... I reached the Kallang Station . Yi Sin and I decided to have some MC Donald's before boarding the Shuttle Bus . Met Sharon on the Shuttle Bus , and met two new friends . They are James and Selevster , from some other country . There was a crowd and a lot of us can't get inside the Indoor Stadium ! I borrowed 10 bucks from Viven to top up my Ex link .... but she went home with her husband after handing me her money . Ended up meeting with Li Hui and others .... we sat outside the Stadium and fellowship . I chatted with Hock Seng and Joel ... Hm , found out that James and Hock Seng saw Yi Sin and I running to catch the shuttle bus ! I ran all the way back to Kallang MRT all because I have to top up my Ez link ! James , Yi Sin , Joel and I were on the train ... Once James got down the train , none of us spoke anymore ..... Jun Zhan messaged me .... For your very least message , my reply was - WHat had I NOT done to earn my rights and freedom ?! It's EDUCATION ! Am I not right , my dear ? I'm really sorry that I'm costed so many problems ... but not EVERYTHING is my fault ..... Mum's part of it too , why don' you give her a piece of your mind !? Really , she's being very unfair towards me ! I reached my house bustop and met with Daddy . He kept on nagging like mum ... But from his speaches , I realized one thing .... Mum locked my room door ! What ?! I reached home ... neither me nor Mum spoke to another . Hm ... my room door was really locked ! So , I got to sleep in the living room ...... " You need anything ? " Brother asked me . To tell the truth , I never though of borrowing anything from Brother . I just though , this is it , I'll lie on the sofa and doze off till morning ! I never though of needing anything else . I have Brother's love , what else do I need ? " Yes , a Bear . " Instead of giving me a Bear , Brother even gave me a pillow and a sleeping bag . Thanks Brother ! I know that I am irrating at times , sorry . But no matter what , at the end of the day , I'm still your cute little Sister . I never cry like I used to . I remembered the very last time I cried so hard was becasue of Mum . She called me " Black Sheep . " But now , I'm used to it . Like what Jansen said , " No Mum would look doen on her child. " Mum still loves her little troublsome daughter . Haha !

I took my 2.4 Km Test today . I should have ran faster ! 14.38 minute was far too slow ! Becaue of the run and my Chinese Dance Parctice , my legs were so pain now ! I got back my Statistic Test ... 25/30 . Hm , it's actually not that bad . Still acceptable .... Ms Ong finally check our Combine Scoence Chemistry O Level Pass Year Paper . God ! It was sure scarly ! She scolded a number of students because some " simple " questions were not complete . Cold sweat ! Hm , when it was my turn to face the music , Ms Ong asked , " Why Section B not done ? " " Er .... I did the Section A first , I don't know how to do Section B . " " At least you've shown some effort in Section A . This answer can be found from the Textbook , this question is easy right ? " I was forced to borrow Emath Ten Year Series from Ms Ong after School . Argh ! I've fogotten to bring mine ! " Next time if you don't bring you book , don't think of borrowing it from Ms Ong . " Mr Koh commented ... I waited for Ai Hui , and I fliped through my Statistic Test . I should have scroed 100% ! It's all becasue of my careless mistakes in the Graphs ! Stupid me ! I should have done better !!!!! Meet the parent .... argh ! Mum was very very irrating while we watied for our turn to see Ms Ong . Mr Khor saw me and came up to talk to me and Mum . Hm , as uaual - I looked very lifeless and dreamless ever since I dropped Pure Sciences . But really , I'm alright now ! I'm arn't that sad or anything already ! So , why is my face still so blank during lesson time ? Strange ! Srarey ! Soon , it was Ms Ong's turn to talk . Mum and Ms Ong shook hands and began chatting . I kept avoiding Ms Ong's eye contect . I don't dare to look at her , my only respond was - smile ! She kept on looking at me , yet I never return her eye contect . Haiz , I don't know what happened . But it seemed alright with Ms Ong and Mr Khor ... Thank God that Mr Koh was not around ! I reached home and ... BANG ! Mum kept on nagging about about my Science ! Please Mum ! Ms Ong had already explained that the marks are for Pure Science ! Not Combine yet ! Talk about short attention spent ! I can't help it ! I messaged Ms Ong . It's not good too ! Ms Ong sounded like she's angry with me or something ..... I don't wish the histpry to repleat itself .... making me do those stunts which are able to cost my life ....

I got back my Social Studies and Literature Results today . 9/25 for Social Studies and 8/25 for Literature ! Why ! Literature 8 marks ! Just like my Chemistry Mock Exam !!!!!! I talked to Mdm Yap at the end of her lesson . " Mdm Yap , would you be coming for Chinses Dace today ? " " Yup ... " " Er ..... I can't make it today . " " Why ? " " I have Dental today . " " I see ..... Holiday . Holiday we have practice . " During English lesson , our Teacher gave us back our English Common Test 2 . And she said something like , " She's constant . Did you spent a cent to improve your English ? " Shook my head . Nope . It's all my hard work ! No one can claim it ! " Vanessa , received award for being first in English . This girl here , last year alomst retain . I gave her one more mark . " Mrs Rethaima touched my chin and said , " I'm so sorry ... " " She's motivated to improve . She's a living example , don't believe , you can ask her . " Yet . I feel so small . 25 marks out of 50 . I'm not happy with my result ! I barely pass ! Plus , my dear English Teacher got to give me more marks so that I won't be retain ! I would be the only one retain if not for her marks ! What more can I say ! Haiz ..... I'm so stupid ! Argh ! Really , I shouhd have done better ! And my Combine Humanities ! Damn it ! What's more . Tomorrow is " Meet The Parent " ! What am I suppose to do ? Hm , I remembered something which Mr Koh said during class one day , " I never call her because I believe that she would do her work . Her attitude is much better that some of you here . Instead , she don't need to do 3.3 questions per day . It's 3.3 divided by 2 ..... 1.7 " Mr Koh was talking the Math Portfolio . Hm , to tell the truth , I never do any Math these days ! Winnie asked me how did I improve my English after English Lesson ......... I just answered her that I don't know . Really , that's the truth . Not novels , surely , since I hardly touch any books these days . I'm at home busy blogging these days ... I can easily drop by the Library . Somehow , I gave up on reading now . Why ? Easy . I missed my Book ! The book which I used to copy down phrases whenever I pass by an excellent word / phrases ! Curse whoever who stole the Princess' bag ! How bold of him / her ! Or , is it because I'm too busy these days ? I went to the Hall . Those seats for Teachers were empty .... Opps ! Nevertheless , I found Miss Ang . " Miss Ang , I can't make it for Chinses Dance today . " " Why ? " " Dental . " " Can you change your appointment or something ? " " Cannot ...... " " But you are very important .... " Ms Ong was just nearby ! I went to eat with Ai Hui after School and we talked about English . I finally admitted that it's because of this Blog . I'm a very regular blogger . Guess that's why my English is improving ? Yeah ! I went home and changed and walked to Lakeside MRT Station . On my way , I passed by my School , I was listening to my MP3 , thus never heard my juniors calling me . Actually I sort of heard them . But I never turn my head . My instructor called my Handphone and I answered it . " Mu Jie , we saw you through the window . Where are you going ? " " Dental . " " Would you be coming later ? " " Yes . I'll rush down . " " Okay ..... " " I've told Miss Ang already . " " Okay . I'll see you later . Be careful , take care . " I ran to my Dental . My Doctor lied to me ! He told me that I am able to take out my braces by this appoinment . But nope . Why ? He claimed that there are still gaps between my teeth ! Er ... so , next appoinment , 26/4/2005 , then take out ... I was on the train on my way back , messaging to Vanessa . Since I have nothing else to do , I read my inbox . I realized something ...... Something very BAD is going to happend . It's those messages from Kai Xin ..... Guess I'm in BIG DEAD trouble once again . Now , what is she trying to do to me again ? Please , don't force me . From a friend to a foe . Don't make me ..... I ran all the way back to School just for Chinses Dance Practice . I tried to run as fast as I can . But I gave up running soon . I can't run ... there's something in my Heart , there's a stone inside it . All thanks to Kai Xin messages ! I hang around with Anna again ... almost tell her about my that Past . But , nope ! No way ! I was allowed to do the somersault instead of doing some other difficult stunts ! Yeah ! Now , I don't have to break my backbone anymore ! I don't feel happy today , even though nothing much happened . Hm , maybe it's because of Kai Xin's message ?

Chemistry lessons were really boring these few days . Ms Ong have to teach those Pure Chemistry Students about some Chapter which is not in Combine Science Syllabus . All those Combine Science Students sat behind of the Lab whereas , Pure Science Students sat infront . Combine Students were give some Pass O Level Combine Science Paper to do . It was boring . I messaged Vanessa , and ended up exchanging Handphone Number Man Ling . When the Lesson finally ended , I heard Ms Ong say , " Can I see ..... " I missed the last part of her speech . I went to the front and asked Yi Xin . She was not sure , Lee Zhen was around and she told me that Ms Ong wants to see ...... Liew Mu Jie ..... Okay .. fine . I'm dead meat ! Ms Ong must have noticed how lifeless I looked during Chemistry Lesson .... Looked here , looked there , looked everywhere expect my Paper . Hm .... Ms Ong talked to me about the letter which I gave her yesterday . " I don't think it's a complain to you Mum . It's more of a feedback . I understand how you feel during that week . " Really ? I believed her . " Anyway , don't be so bothered by that okay . "

It's half day of School today because of good GCE O Level results . Nothing much happened today , just those normal School Lessons . Dismissal , ate with Ai Hui . I went home and of couse , came online . Hm , I messaged with Vanessa today . It's quite a peaceful day for me . I finally gave Ms Ong a letter ! Yeah ! It was during recess .... Hm , and Ms Ong replied , " I'll take my time to read , okay . " Libra September 23 - October 22 Thank goodness -- the weird feelings you've been having about the past are dissipating now . Not only that , but you're getting along well with others and romance is in the stars . Are there any kind / type of weird feelings I have been having about the past ? What past ? Hopefully it's not THAT Past .... Of couse I'm getting along well with others . Vanessa and her gang are great ! As for Romance .... I miss him ! I miss all his jokes , all his laughters . Strange . He never message me .... about something . I have a feeling that after that " something " , he would message me . But he never ... HE NEVER ! Okay , Big Brother . Move on with life , right ? Sure thing .... Libra September 23 - October 22 Dive in without dipping a toe in the water . Take the time to talk honestly with your lover about whatever subject you've been avoiding . Yes ... the subject which I had been avoiding is - education . I never really talk about that to both our " friends . " Haiz ... he really should have message me . I would talk about that . " Take time to talk honestly with your lover " , right ? But he's taking neither the time nore effort ! Libra September 23 - October 22 Ever feel like your brain won't stop spinning when you're trying to make a decision ? This is one of those indecisive days, so learn to live with uncertainty . Decision . My future is what on my mid these few days . I still haven reply Mr Goh yet . Really .... one of those indecisive period of my life . Learn to live with uncertainty for now ..... Libra September 23 - October 22 Trust that hard-working brain of yours . You might feel a little overwhelmed by your options right now ( at school and with friends ) , but don't worry . You'll make the right choice . Hehe . So , no matter what route I choose after my GCE O Level , it would be the right choice for me !

I am gettting more and more demoralise with Math as days passes ! Argh ! What's all about the rotation ? Haiz . I really don't understand ! I just can't get the coordinates right ! I sat beside Ai hui during Physics lesson . I noticed that she was carring both Yi Xin and her composition book . Turned out that she wants to hand in to our English Teacher during recess . I took it because I wanted to read the essays . But Ai Hui kept on insisting that I return her thr books . Hello ?! As if you can hand in the books NOW ! Can't I just read the essays during recessand then hand in ? Plus , my mian aim is to read Yi Xin's composition book ! Because of that " fight " , Ai Hui sat with Xiu Ling during recess . Hey ! What the ! Guess that waht's I call independent learning . Teach less learn more , right ? I got to learn all about that rotation all by myself ! Good luck , Mu Jie ! All the best to you ! Vanessa messaged me . Hoorary ! She had been discharged ! Yeah ! I went home after School to eat somei nstant noodless and was online chatting with Vanessa ! Yeah ! Hm ... guess what's my Horoscope for today ..... Libra September 23 - October 22 You might be tempted to make nice and smooth things over with a friend , but why bother ? Not because you're mean or anything , but maybe it's the differences that make the friendship fun . Hm , yar .... Maybe . It's the different personality of Ai Hui and I that makes our friendship fun .

I went to the Teacher's Office to hand in my Longman English Book . The morning was still young . Not a soul was around . The sun was not fully up yet .... I was flipping my classmates' books to see if I have any work undone .... " Mu Jie , what are you doing ? " I looked towards the direction where the sound came from . It was Ms Ong ... " Oh , handing in book . I forget to bring . " " You ar , again . " Gee , sorry Ms Ong .. I'm still wondering if I should write a letter to you ??? I no need to do my 2.4 Km run today since I'm taking part in the Sports Heat in the afternoon . I ended up sharing my Emath Ten Year Series and did the Emath portfolio with Hui Min . Needless to say , I cheated . I just did the workings and never really calculate the answer . How do you expect me to do my Maths truefully when Hui Min solved the sums so much faster than me ?! Mr Loh Ai came in during Geography lesson and said things like , " You're the best batch , thus the whole School depands on you . " Yar right ! Please ! I'm the lousiest in the WHOLE class . You mean taking ONLY 6 subjects for GCE O Level means the best ?! Yar right ! At lest , other's minimum number of subjcts is 7 , whereas mine is 6 . Ai Hui never come down to the folyer during Recess . She stayed in class with other classmates . Hello ?! I need your help in the transformation topic ! I'm very lost during lesson time ! Ms Ong gave the Combine Science Students some GCE O Level Science Chemistry Paper 3 work to do . Tables and chairs were re - arranged so that those Pure Science Students were sitted at the middle and right hand side of the classroom . I sat with Man Lin and Sharon and we discussed the answer . I went home to rest awhile before heading to the KFC and had my Lunch . It was raining ! I headed down to the Lakeside MRT Station and purchase an Ez Link card . Brother lost his card and was using mine and I don't have any spare . It cost $15.00 !! With only $7.00 worth of bus ride ! I board the Train to Boon Lay Station then took bus 198 to the Clementi Stadium . I hang around with Chu Hui ... Heat 1 participant were getting ready to run when the rain came . There was a 10 minutes break before the Heat 1 started , and it ended in the blink of an eye . Soon . Heat 2 race started . 100 m race for Upper Secondary Girls . I ran with all my might ! Surprise ! 100 metre was so much shorter then what I expected it to be ! I was not shaking as violently as I thought I would ! The race ended just like that ..... I came in second ! Yet I'm not please with my results ! I failed to win the girl infront of me ! She was from Secondary Three ! Hello ! I can't even beat a Scondary Three girl !? Shame on me ! I really hope that I can get into the Finals ... but on second thoughts , I don't have the stamina needed for being a Final . Plus , why get into the Final for my class when most of my classmates never turn up for the Heats today ? I called Ai Hui after the race and told her the good news . She don't want to turn up for the Sports Heats . She took part in the Shot Put ... Not my fault / problem .... I went to NUH alone after my Heats and visited Vanessa . She was still very cheerful ! I chatted with her awhile . Needless to say it was ... um.. I don't know . I only chat with her via MSN messanger and Messages , never really talk to her face to face . Kevin , Sumathi ... etc ... appeared . All of us went to the playground to play games . Darrick , Mei Qi and Angie came by too . We went back to Vanessa's bed and digged in . Kevin and his gang brough foods from KFC . All the Cheese Fries were so soggy ! We made prank calls to people ... Haha .. It's so funny ! I enjoyed myself ... but then .... There was a little boy beside Vanessa's bed . He was only about Primary 1 or 2 ?! His Mother got to coax him to take some asthma test . He refused at first , but he took the test obediently . After the test was done , the Mother fed her son Dinner , but the boy vomitted on the floor and the Mother wiped all the vomited with her own bare hands ! I can't help but wonder , was it like that when I was hospitalized ? Was there any form of pain during my stay in the Hospital ? Oh my , oh my ..... my heart goes out to all the patients there .... I reached home at around 9 pm . Vanessa messaged me at night .... I enjoy hanging out with her and her gang !

During Social Studies lesson , we were given some work to do . But I ended up playing some game with Jacky , Ai Hui , Mei Qi ... etc . It was something about romance . I got to give Jacky 10 girls names and 5 guys name . I gave , and you know what was the result ?! The most shocking thing was - Ly and JN ! Ly , you know who you are . But then JN ? Ly , you should know who too . How can you end up with him !!!! My results showed that I can talk easily with JF ( Jeff ) . And I sleep with JK ?! There's no way I'm going to believe that ! Especially Ly and JN ! How can it be ? And please , sleep with JK ? No way ! Talk easily to JF , well , that guy is still acceptable . I went to look for Ms Ong during Recess Time . But Ms Ong only said , " Left only ten minutes . Look for me after School . " What ? 10 minutes is not enough for us to talk . Ms Ong , you want a heart to heart talk with me is it ? Now , I'm getting scared . What do Ms Ong wans to talk about actually ? Hm , but nevermind . After School then . I intercalled Ms Ong again after School . The first thing Ms Ong said was , " Yar ? What ? You want to talk to me right ? " I was silence .... Xiu Ling came and asked Ms Ong for some disc . Ms Ong came back again , and this time round , she started the ball rolling . " I called your Mum yesterday night . She said I sounded preety young and she thought I'm new ... ? Your Mum is quite alright . Hm .... I just told her that you've dropped Pure Science ... etc ... " Yup . But Ms Ong , why did you not tell me that you informed Mum that I sounded quiet in class ? I'm more then willing to assure you that I'm alright . So , I got to think in short term now if I want to heed Ms Ong's adive . But how about Mr Goh's advice ? Argh . I'm confussed ! Nevertheless , Ms Ong told me that I can drop her a note anytime . Yeah ! I ate and hang around with Anna during Chinese Dance Practice . Libra September 23 - October 22 The minute you stop trying so hard , your natural charm and true self shine through -- and the response you get is fairly amazing . Don't be afraid to just be your beautiful self . What does this means ? Stop trying hard for what things ? Hm , my beautiful self ? Strange ! Libra September 23 - October 22 Don't hide your emotional vulnerability in frantic activity . Take the time to talk with your lover about important feelings . Well , corrections . Not lover , but Teacher . Trusted adult . What's that chim phrase ? Emotional vulnerability in frantic activity ? Er ... well Important feelings ? And what are they ? I'm talked to MS Ong today ... Hm , now , only 6 " un - droppable " subjects left , and Mum was not that happy with my failure . Ms Ong called Mum yesterday night and Ms Ong talked to me after that . But I also never say anything much . I don't know how to respond ! Guess writting a letter would be ideal . Brother , you were right ! Yuhua Teachers are indeed very good ! But now , which term should I be thinking ? Long or short ? I don't know . I am as confuss now as I was before . I want to let neither Mr Goh nor Ms Ong down . Even though I really don't know why those two teachers would take time out from their busy schedule to know more about the aimless and dreamless me , I really appreciate it !

I never change place with Han Chuan today , therefore I sat at the front during Amath lesson .Well , I'm not as scared as I used to be ... Horrary ! I asked Mr Koh a question on " mean " during recess . It's so easy , yet so difficult ! English Teacher talked about the GCE O Level results during her period . She named a few failures from the class . She looked at me , her eyes turned away and spoke some other classmates' name . Liew Mu Jie was not found under the category of failures ! English Teacher looked at me yet she never call out my name ! Thank God ! Little things like this had motived me to work hard , REAL hard ! It had motivated me to score in English . I even have dreams of getting a distinction for that subject ! I remembered Brother's GCE O Level certificate . A1 for English ! I'm gonna beat him someday .... I never bring my Chemistry Workbook for lesson . Me , Man Lin and Tian Tian told Ms Ong . She was not THAT angry , she just said , " I don't know what to do . " Sorry Ms Ong .... I don't mean it ...... Ms Ong came to me before she start her lesson , she wants to have a look at my Workbook ! " Mu Jie , let me have a look at your book . " Sorry Ms Ong ... but I don't have mine . Ms Ong used Hui Min's workbook and assigned some Mole Calculations for those who dropped Pure Chemistry . I don't know how to calculate as I don't know the formula . Thus , I ended up doing nothing productive for the period . I looked at Ms Ong's powerpoint slides . Those cartoons were very cute , they lighted up the smile on my face , but not my heart , for the cartoons are in weird colour and shape . Ms Ong looked for me again . She asked me on my opinion , whether I would like to do practical or classwork . Thanks Ms Ong for respecting my discission . We went back to class for CME . Wei Wen said something , and Ms Ong responded something like , " Your Mother said you were rude towards her at home . " I was seated nearby and I laughted . Ms Ong heard my laughter and assured me , " DOn't worry , your time will come soon , somewhere this week . " Somehow I trusted her as if her words have the power to do something inside my heart . I'm not scared , instead , I'm looking forward to her call . We went back to the Lab again . We sat around Ms Ong while the rest did practical . Vanassa , Han Chuan and another classmate were scolded by Ms Ong because they never pay attention during lesson . I sat beside Ms Ong . And she saw me struggling , thus she helped me . It's such a simple question yet I don't know how to solve ! Ms Ong was in a good mood today , she even allowed time for us to complete our questions . I inter - called Mr Koh after School . I bumped into Ms Ong instead . " Looking for who ? " " Mr Koh . " " I don't think he's inside . Why are you looking for him ? " " Because I don't know if I need to attend his class later or not . " " It's Amath right ? Then I think you don't need to ." " But sometimes he will give a test of worksheet to do . " " Hm , then you later go up and look for him . But I guess you don't need to attend his class . " Ended up I need to attend Mr Koh's class . Mr Koh was in a good mood too . He gave me some cumlative curve work to do and he taught me some questions . Mum called my Handphone while I was doing my work . I returned her call and while I was on my way to the folyer , I saw Ms Ong with her ex- pupils . " So how ? Do you need to do Mr Koh's test ? " " No . It's Amath . " I went online and there was some horoscope . Libra September 23 - October 22 Don't be afraid to admit to your deepest feelings . Intimacy is only as difficult as you make it out to be . Hm , my deepest feelings ? The worst feeling which I had gone through and had kept hidden inside me was those past few days . Dropping my Pure Subject . Admit it ? Well , there's nothing much for me to own up since it's all because of my laziness . Libra September 23 - October 22 Speak up ! Nobody's going to pull up a chair and politely ask you what you're thinking . You need to make your opinions known -- and loudly . You might be surprised to find out how many people agree with you . Okay . Speak up ? Well , I understand that . Of couse people won't be there waiting for me to " admit my deepest feelings " . Fine ! I decided to message Ms Ong since she was quite nice to me . I asked her about Step . Well , there arn't going to be any Step tomorrow , but Ms Ong had given me a vaild answer . Ms Ong , I'm for being so selfish ! I slept , bathed and ate my Dinner . Mum was chatting on the Phone with her friend when another call came in . Know who was the caller ? It's Ms Ong ! They both talked . Nothing new . I heard Mum saying , " Hey , you're a nice lady to talk to . " , " Living in her own world . " Most of the wrods spoken arn't new . It's the same as what she told others , like Vivien and Kai Xin . Once Mum hang up the phone , I message Ms Ong again . This time , she replied , " Don't worry too much . We talk during recess tomorrow . Tell you more tomorrow . Cheer . " I remembered that there's a form for my Mum to sign , I gave her the form . " You sit down here . You've dropped Amath and Pure Science , don't need to feel like you've let me down . " Actually , the REAL pople whom I've let down is my Math Teacher and Pure Science Teachers . " Your Teacher said that you are very quiet in class " Is being quiet against the law ? I'm thinking of being as vocal as Wei Wen . " Your Form Teacher is very nice . You can talk to her about your feelings , even after you O Level . I know where your standard is , I don't mind you going to Poly . " Brother , I love you ! You came back right on time ! " What's wrong about being quiet in class ? " " There's a quiet level . When your grades correspond to your quietness ... " Haha .... Yeah ! I'm very happy today ! I can't wait for tomorrow !!!! Thanks Ms Ong for everything !