All my love is for you and I will never let you go .

::Truth of me::
::The hidden me::
::Have I got my speech across::
::So you really want to know me::
::Since when did you comprehend me::
::Can you grasp my true emotions and mindset::
::Do you know about the dark truths I'm hiding::
::Confessions of EVERYTHING
on Thursday 31 May 2007 .
Title of my post : A day .

A holiday ... Spent my day mugging at home . Gave up on Clinical Lab , mugging for Bioscience . Parents wanted to meet Brother for dinner , but Brother could not make it . We ended up having dinner at a hawker centre , with me eating Prawn Noodles .

It was Janani’s and Min Hui’s turn … They passed . She was too excited … and by a slip of a tongue , she did it . She even asked if it was true … Self blame and self pity . Denial … Depressed . The “ why - me “ attitude .

The higher my hopes , the greater my disappointment is … I can’t believe it ! I am in a total denial … No … this can’t be true ! How could it be ??? No way !!! I am prepared … was , I mean .. Was I really that bad ? Pals laid the blame on her … but surly , I am at fault too ?? Maybe I was just over confidence ?? But I did practiced … Totally no confidence in myself . Totally ashamed in myself . You kissed me .

Went for Cheerleading practice ... was late . When I finally reached , Brother wanted me to help him send some photos ... Even later … Was wondering if I should mug for my Clinical Practical Test or should I go for Cheerleading . Decided to go for practice … I did my skill in front of my Night Class Lecture and she said it was good … So well , passing should not be a problem . Distinction should be my aim .

Got to work again , but this time round , I am looking forward to it ... He came ... Yes he did , with wearing a milo- spilled shirt . He was extremly bored , I felt ... I was in the wrong . There wasn't any internet access ... too bad ... He came and left , came and left ... Sorry ... We ate at a buffet at night ... He was able to go back late , but I was worried , he had not pack finish his bag yet . We went home late , and he called . Maucks ... I love you .

Got to work again ... But it was preety alright . Went to the fork and spoon for lunch . Work was totally relaxing ... there was only 1 class in the morning and that was all !!! No more class ... The computer and intetrnet asscess was up ... and I searched for my project on contact lens . Cool , I left early , and Boss don't let me clock in for anther hour ... Too bad ... I miss you . Looking forward for tomorrow ....

It's the end of the week again ! It's dating time ! Haha ... Went to School ... finally brought the correct lecture note for my elective . Oh , Mum gave me my new Handphone yesterday ! Nokia 5300 !!! Yeah !!! I was so happy ! I acted as if I don't care all about it ... then when she opened the box , I went there . She complained . She had beeen waiting for me to do the opening ceremory . Haha ... SHe even scolded me , she wanted me to charge it , instead of playing it . Haha ... Yee Ping joined us during the break and we took photos . Went to the IMM ... Mum was late , so I shopped first . She came , we ate at McDonald's . Then she got to leave .... Brother was on his way . Shopped again while wating for Brother . Met him and we had pizzas for dinner . Yeah ! We went to the Diaso to shop ... specially saved that shop ... I brought 4 items ... 2 racks to hang my necklace , 1 compact box for my compress powder .. it was cool , there was a special plastic to cover the powder . I brought some " strings " to tie my wires too , sharing it with Brother .

Nothing much today , finally managed to slack . Was a bit crazy with my gang . Liu Yang , Yee Ping , Mun Wai , Janani and I went to the South Canteen to had lunch again . Haha . Saw Yi Jun ... Saw Tammi too when we were buying bubble tea . THen we went to the " Shopping Centre " in our School , that's where I went Gary . Hm ... shopped around . Saw Alison on my way back to the Library .... Argh ! Met so many Cheerleading friends ... Did not really do our project .... Was joking around , and I was busy transferring Chinese movies from Wei Hua's computer to mine . Haha .... Went for Clinical Lab and I as assisted by the lecture . She was so nice .... I performed my assessment of Intramuscular injection ... then she asked for comments from the " onlookers " . The just claimed that when I verbalized checking of the medication , I did not take up the injection syringe and check ... that was all . My lecture even said , defiantly a pass ... but she encouraged us ti aim for A . Haha ... I miss you ... Why did you not contact me like last week ? Just kidding .

Oh no !!! Oh my !!! No ......... Woke up at 7am ... but I slept again and woke up again at 8am ... Argh !!! How could this happened ? It never happens before ... Oh no , what should I do now ? Take a cab ? Skip the lecture ? Fake my attendance ??? Argh ... Decided to skip the Bioscience lecture ... Bioscience is so important ... and I am skipping the lecture , all because of my sleepy head ... ARGH !!!! Sorry love ... I know that you want me to do well ... Strolled my way to School , there was an hour break after the Bioscience lecture ... lots of time . Met my gang . Decided to skip Cheerleading practice again ... Was really very tired ... can't imagine what would happen to me if I still go and exercise ... I can even hear my hear pumping against my inner ears ... terrible signs of lack of sleep ... At least there's one thing to cheer about . The Clinical Lab theory test is over !!!!! Yeah !!! It was pretty okay ... But not enough time . Was still scribbling when the lecture asked us to " put down the pens " . Argh ... so tired .

Last day to mug for the clinical lab theory test ... and what had I done ?! Nothing ... Was so busy today . Went School , then headed to Bukit Timah Community Centre and did my project 1 . Hm , my evaluator and others said that I did well ... They said it was very good for the first attempt . Haha ... My evaluator said that he was impressed with my starting ... I introduced my speech my shaking Ana's hand , and wanted the audience to guess what I did . However , I did not end my speech with a conclusion ... Opps ... But overall , it was a well attempt ... Mugged from 11pm to 1am ... So tired .

Stress , stress , very stress !!!!! 1 more day to my clinical lab theory test .... And I have not study anything !!!! Oh no !!! Went to Vivocity and helped Brother to buy some stuff from the Sasa ... Reached home and had dinner . Studied from 12am to 1am ... So tired ... So stress ....

Yeah ! It's Sunday ! I met him ... was late , so sorry . Actually wanted to take SBS 98 to Lakeside and take train to Jurong East ... But Mum wanted me to take 335 .... Argh ! I missed the bus , and waited for so long for the second bus . Met him , we went and brought his NS stuff . We wanted to try 1 of the hawker centre stall's wafers , but it took extremely long to open . We ended up going to the Concourse and ate at 1 of the restaurant . Maucks to you ... I enjoy being with you , sleeping on your strong shoulder .... so comfortable ...

I thought I would be late , but somehow , everyone was late this morning . So well ... anyway , I did message to Boss that I would be late . Was assigned to Lobby B . Wow ... interesting . There was first day of class , it was suppose to be at the Head Office , yet the letter sent to the parents stated at Lobby B . Had to instruct the parents there ... " any unhappiness , you ask the person there . " However , there was a son and his Mum . They never bring any letter , I don't know which class the son is in . They said should be Class A , they were quite sure about it . I called back the Head Office and asked about Class A , it is an afternoon class ( they came in the morning ) ! Never mind ... how about checking if the son was enrolled into Class A ? Nope , he was not enrolled there . Then I gave the Head Office person the son's name .. Oh , he should be in Class B which is starting now .... Both the Mum and the child was quite mad ... gave them the directions how to get back to the Head Office from Lobby B ... they looked at the map and the son said , " so far away ! " Flashback ... those interesting workdays I had ... Well ... there was once , I stopped her from entering her son's classroom , her son said that a trainer allowed them to be in ... most likely a lie . The Mum even added on , " what if there is any accident ? No trainer around ... " Well , if there is any accident , it would most likely be the son's fault ... Anyway , I was inside the classroom and the classmate asked if he had completed his work . The son jus answered yes , yet the Mum wanted the son to check . She even praise the girl for reminding ... Some time later , I stopped the lady from entering again , that's my job . She just told me that she brig her child in . I got no choice and I allowed her . She came out scolding me , I still can remember it clearly , " why can't I enter ? The kid was playing with a tennis ball ! " . She left right after she scolded me . 1 of the very nice trainer saw what happened and asked if I did bring it up to my Boss ... nope . There was another incident .... A child called up his Mum , in tears , when he was being teased in class . The parents came and wanted to go and have a look at their son as they were very worried ... the child was crying when he called , they just wanted to make sure that he was alright .. I opened the classroom door for them ... the Mum started scolding the WHOLE class ... What ... his son is around , which means that she's around too ... The trainer tired to make the Mum understand that she had spoken to the bully , and that she would talk to them after class ... The Mum kept scolding ... I don't know what happened next ... but anyway , those people involved had a talk and everything was alright . Joanna wanted me to bring down her coat as she had left it behind at Lobby B ... There were 2 coats and a shaft ... I brought down the WRONG coat for her ... Argh ! Felt so guilty as she had to run up and get it again .. Anyway , went home and chatted with him ... Maucks . Tomorrow ...

It's finally the end of the week ! Yeah ... but next week have theory test ... argh ! Haven study anything ... though I have notes to mug , I have not started revising . School was alright . Was in the Computer Lab when my gang went other places . Brought the wrong lecture notes for electives , again . Argh ! Why Lecture always skip the chapter ... Headed to Vivocity and met Brother . Went to the Cannon Costumer Service to get Brother's flash . We brought Mother's day gift first . It was at Unity , a pill cutter together with a pill box . Got to spend minimum $15.00 before getting Linkpoints . So we spent $16 altogether . Introduced Brother to Fjord . The person there was extremely nice . He introduced Brother a lot of different bracelets ... Brother decided to get one of them in the end . Our last stop was at Sasa . Brother was hunting for containers to put totalities . Ate at Subway and I went with Brother to Singapore Press Holding to help him prepare for the games day or something . We left at around 11.30pm . It was so late ... He called at night ! Maucks . Can't wait for Sunday . I love you .

Had 5 hours of break before the next lesson . We went to the South centeen to have lunch instead of our usual North or Koufu . All of us brought a cup of bubble tea and we went to shop a little at the artium . Did our project . Went for our Clinical Lab , night class . The lecture was talking half way when my handphone rang ... And it was his' ring tone !!!! He's back !!!! I want to talk to him !!!! I miss him !!!! Got to hang up and apologised to the lecture . Heard that everyone was looking at me and that Yee Ping was singing along with my ring tone , while my gang was laughting ... Headed straight home ... Mum told me that Brother was looking for me when I was bathing . Studied a little until he called . I managed to talk to him at night on bed !!!

Went School as usual … It ended at 2 pm … the last lesson was Clinical Lab .

We were to learn and do electrocardiogram . I was the model for that . Hehe … Got to strip … halfway .

I wanted to do it because we are able to get the paper and keep it .

Had project meeting . It was very funny . We can’t decide to what to write next …. Until Amanda suggested that we continue it tomorrow .

Actually decided to go with Janani to Woodlands Post , but I was too tired and I went home .

Was sleeping on the train , as usual , I was there … sliding from side to side … until I end up on a guy’s shoulder …

Opps …

Met Ai Hui on the bus again Haha . How come ... it's the second time we bumped into each other .

Went home and slept … I was so very tired .

Mum woke me up and I ate dinner .

Studied some pages of my Clinical Lab … test next Wednesday .

Watched the drama show again .

Couple C … J slept with D !!!!! How could he do it !!! J was scared that M would nag at him because of his business . So J went to D’s block deck . D invited him to her house . He refused , but that BITCHY D wanted him to help her carry her shopping purchase up to her house … and they ended up in bed .

J went home the next morning and the couple talked . Both decided to give each other another chance and work hard . M found a cheque from D in J’s work bag while J went to bath . M became very suspicious about J .

J then gave a very bad excuse of coming home late tonight . M trailed him and found him inside D’s house . J actually went to look for D and wanted to end the relationship .

M wanted to break up and J tried to call after her …

Carried on studying after the show until 12am .

Never go for Cheerleaing as I wanted to study .

Bumped into Janani when I reached my stop . We went t buy harsh brown before heading for lecture .

Brought my laptop to School for presentation practice . We decided to do a role play . Haha , all our prevention have role play …

Interesting … what to do , one of the marking critical is interaction with the audience …

Min Hui got to leave straight after School … Janani , Amanda and I went to get the form for locker . The whole group decided to get one to dump our things .

There was clinical and we were suppose to listen to different heart sounds and I was the model for my group . Haha ... it was alright . Oh , and I was saying that the weekend is coming , I got scolded .. Min Hui said that at least wait until tomorrow , Wednesday , then say .

... Can't I look forward to the weedend so that he would be back and I can go out with him ..... It's not my fault that I can't wait . I miss him so much .

Went home and slacked …

Watched drama show on Channel 8 …

Wow … it was so interesting .

Couple A . A very rich guy was trying to woo a lady boss .

Couple B . Newly wed . But the wife has a best friend , K , who had lost her husband . K was a bit depress and she wanted to get in between couple A .

Couple C . Married for 8 years . Wife - M , husband - J . The mother in law ( J's Mum) was very ... bad . She put her J's ex - girlfriend ( D ) present on M's dressing table . She wanted her son to go back to D because M was pregnant with J's son before they were married .

J had set up a business , but it wasn't doing very well . M went to join a variety show in order to earn prize - money . J don't know about that and D lent him money to tide over the period for his business .

Their child was warded in the hospital because the grandma ( J's Mum ) brought him to eat lots of fatty food ... M carried on with her show even thought her child was sick . J was very angry with it and he decided to break up with M .

Zzz ... Had to wake up early to go School for practice ... going to have presention at 9am ... Saw Oliver , Liu Yang and Pei Pei ... sat with them . I asked , " thought that our tutorial room is over at the other side ? " Realized that we were waiting at the wrong side . Presented ... It was ... bad ... But well , it was all over . Amanda was really lucky , got called by the lectur to answer our quiz . Haha . Used computer , blogged ... Nothing much . Went for practice . Ended at 9.30pm .. but dragged , as usual . Too bad . Voted ... anyhow as I was in a rush . Rush ... I don't understand why I am always in a rush to go home after practice . I knew that before he went for NS , my aim was to talk with him over the phone while lying on my bed . Now that he's in camp ... why am I rushing again ? Mother's day made me realized that it doesn't have to be either Mother's day or her birthday to make her happy . Well , Mum don't just look after me , cook my meals , help me wash my clothes just on my Birthday . I don't want Mum to be worry . She always gave the reason of me being small build and it was late whenever she sent Dad down to the bus stop to fetch me . My aim is to rush home as soon as possible . It was already very good that Mum allowed me to stay inside the team dispite it end so late . I don't want Mum to call my handphone and ask me when I am going home . I want to be the one callingher instead . Another thing ... the president of Toastmaster said during the last meeting when she gave her president speech ... A Mum's greatest wish is for ther child to call her once in a while . That only apply for married child ... but the main message is - not to let Mum worry .

Went for work again . Yup , going to see my younger cousin , she had sign up for the course too . Managed to go for my break on time ... and Grace helped me to take over . Went to shop instead of eating . Spend $3.00 although . 2 small pot ($1.20) , used to put contact lens , but I am going to use it for other purpose , 1 nail clipper ($1.20) and something to bun up my hair for attachment ... it's not those hair net , well , I don't know how to say it , anyway , it cost $0.60 . Amy and Elaine actually wanted me to stay until all the kids and parents are gone ... but I just left at 6.45pm . Can't help it . Saw my younger cousins ... hehe , they were such an angel ... Met Karen too . She was from the Toastmaster . Wanted to have lunch with her , but she was busy , thus I went alone . Karen left early too , she said she's going to celebrate Mother's day . Boarded the bus form one interchange ( Toa Payoh ) to another interchange ( Boon Lay ) . Met my family and we went to the Banquet and celebrated Mother's day . There were those Japanese Balls , 1 chicken and 2 prawns ... I was asked to try my luck . Brother offered to help me take one of the balls first ... to reduce the chance of me getting the prawns . But well , ended up it was Brother who took the chicken and I got the prawn .... Mum and Brother brought ice cream too ... It was nice ... Durian , sour soup , green tea , strawberry and black semen . Went home and just prepared to sleep . I miss you ... I am planning , thinking ... Weekend ....... Talk . Was actually thinking of calling up your house and wish your Mum a Happy Mother's Day .

I can't recall when , but I read an article from Pioneer ( I think so ) . It said that we can maintain relationships via blogs . So yup . Here I am , blogging ... Met Brother at Toa Payoh MRT and changed bag with him , Brenda came shortly and we went for work together . Amy and Elaine were asking me why I was photocopying 20 copies from the textbook when the students were all give a copy . I was speechless ... I went and searched the answer for them and got back to them - the textbook don't have the pages . Went late for lunch . Was supposed to go at 11.45am , but I went at 12.30pm instead . No one would be around to look after my side for the afternoon classes . Met Brenda again and she just accompanied me to eat at Subway . Boss gave all of us a Subway cookie too . Hm , saw a guy . He was from my Scondary School too , from Kelivin Brother's class . We just talked ... he asked if I was from Yuhua Secondary School , than said that he was from Kelvin Brother's class ... he recongised me . Haha , I don't remember him .... Worked overtime ... was rushing home anyway , so I called up boss and told her that I would her sign my timesheet tomorrow instead . Everyone was waiting for me to start dinner . Met Brother under our block and he took his bag . It was already 10pm when I finished everything . So I decided to clear my room instead of mugging ... Oh , Boss said that I can actually bring my work to do ... but well , how am I suppose to concentrate ? Messaged him once .... as I promised . I miss you .... and it's only the first day ...

Can't really recall what happened today , guess I slept during lectures ? Was really tired ...... Brought wrong lecture topic for electives too .... Got to go for lunch all alone as others had already eaten .... Shopped with Janani at Woodlands , brought a box compressed powder with her . Found a facial item for pimple scars ... but it was so expensive ! Went home early .... It had been so long .... and used computer ... Managed to talk to you before you go for field camp ... was glad . But you told me to message you once a day ... I accepted it , with your explaination . His' friend was online . We talked .... Confused ... Not hurt ... not yet ? I wanted to ask him .... ask him and see what he say first .... Why is it that he never mention it before ? To think that he told her . You said mutual understanding is very important , you are making me so confuse ... I admit that I don't understand you , not yet , but the least you can do is to explain to me , tell me ... Ok , I know that you don’t need to do it for her , neither have you done it for her ... But well , if that's the case , how would mutual understanding develop between both of us ?! I feel like you don't want it ... Either you are not good at words or you just want to keep it to yourself ... Even if I ask , you would just shut me up with " you don't understand " , " you don't know ." What do you want me to do ? Trying to guess all about you can be tiring , tearing .... Though not for all people ... it would be just their second natural . That brings me to the next outing … to let me have a chance to understand you . I know that you understand me quiet well …. But not all people are good at understanding . I don’t understand myself at times too ….. Now , why am I so … Angry , or am I sad ?